Why does the 'love' fade?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Why does the 'love' fade?
7
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 7:25am

Hi all


This is a question that Id love all your views on but especially the men on the board.


I am in a 15mth A, he ended it twice (back together within

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 7:52am

Infatuation fades. Maybe it's the infatuation part of it that faded for him, and then he became more realistic? When he said he wanted a future with you, did he mean he was planning to leave his wife? If so, he may have reassessed that, and decided that that wasn't going to happen. At that point, he figured if the A was going to continue, he'd have to "tone down" the things he was saying or you would expect him to leave, and he didn't want to leave.

Of course everything I say is speculation. To me it appears that he does have feelings for you; however, he doesn't want to leave his wife, so he's not going to say or do anything that would get your hopes up in that direction. In the beginning, he got carried away, and that's what "settled down" when he really thought it through.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 8:30am

Yes true. Maybe it was just the initial 'honeymoon stage' and we got all caried away. I dont think he fears that

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 11:37am

I don't think it's so much an A thing, as a relationship in general.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 6:23pm

I am not sure that it's healthy to keep such intensity going on on a regular basis. If there is love, respect, friendship and fun, that gets fired up now and again, somewhat regularly, when life allows, or even when it doesn't, that'd make me happy. The intensity of the honeymoon period is just that, specific to the conditions of the newness of everything. Trying to sustain that, instead of falling into a comfortable existance with fun and surprises mixed in, would be more difficult..

In an A, this becomes more complicated, in that, it really is hard to visualize the IRL part of all this. That can only happen when both Ps are available to each other fully. So, in the meantime, I think it is best to ride the honeymoon period and then fall into a R where friendship and respect are the foundations, with fun and sharing mixed in, but not at the unsustainable level of the honeymoon period..

I don't see that as settling, as much as being content and feeling lucky and grateful that another special person crossed paths with me under very unique circumstances.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 7:22pm

Ahh Never ...I love your insight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 2:27am

I think everyone else has already said it all so well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 7:04am

Well you all gave fantastic insight thank you. I think you have hit the nail on the head.


That level of intensity is unsustainable- and gratefully unsustainable. It is like a heavy rainstorm- great to watch, great to see it soaking into the dry soil, but can become damaging if it lasts too long.


And yes Jane I agree - married or A, looks like many men rain themselve out :)


I like the slow steady rain we have now. Hope it lasts ages :)

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do