why does my AP seem so concerned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
why does my AP seem so concerned.
8
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 8:03am
he seems so concerned about the amount of money i spend. when i bought my lap top he was a bit irritated at me, the money was a disbersment from my job after being fired. he wanted me to put it away. in a couple of weeks i wanted to treat him and, it would cost some money. now he wont let me, saying put the money away, neither of us really has the money to spend right now. he wants me to move out, and he feels i should save all extra money for the move. he's been pushing me to make the move. he feels i'm not happy and in a bad situation, make the move. he tells me he's worried about my financial situation and having money put away would make him feel better about my living arrangements. he's worried about my stability at home. if we were together as a couple, then it would be different. the way i choose to spend my money is my business. i told him i understand and appreciate his concern, i don't tell him how to spend his money. i don't even go there. he told me sees my future and sees me moving out. he was a bit irritated that i stopped looking for apt. i did because i lost my job. i told him so. what do you guys think. it seems he means well, again if we were a couple this wouldn't be an issue. i feel he's trying to control the financial aspect of my life. i'm probably making something out of nothing, it seems strange .thanks for all opinions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2009
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 9:03am
As Randy Jackson says on American Idol.... "lets keep it real".... you are a grown adult and for the part how YOU choose to spend your money should really be no concern of his - period - you can chat about it - perhaps but that should be the extent of it... typically men control women via two mechanisms money and self esteem... and he seems to be trying to control you - through your money.... which could be writing on a wall..... again as far as YOUR living arrangements and leaving arrangements - those get to be your issues..... I think you know all this - and in the end I believe you know this person is very and perhaps too controlling...... and you are not making something out of nothing.... this could be potential issue down the road... control over one's self - and even if you are a couple you are still an adult and you get to make choices.......... sorry if I rambled
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 9:33am

He's likely frustrated because you aren't looking for an apartment because you "can't afford it" now, but you can "afford" the material things you want - like a costly computer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 10:09am
If he would say im moving out of my home and i want to be with you, then i would think differentley. I told him my desk top has seen better days, its ready to die. He knows, he worked on it. So i needed a reliable machine. Its been 12 years. I dont see him leaving his home. He said to me there is nothing holding you there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 12:54pm

It's a control issue for one thing. Surely you knew that there was more to this guy than all the hearts and flowers of your short, secret rendezvous. As far as you getting your own place, well, that would be jim dandy for him, wouldn't it. No more sex in the car and desktop, and he doen't have to pop for a hotel room either, right? And still gets to keep his comfy, cozy house and family.


By the way, why are you consulting him about YOUR personal decisions? If you want him to stop being so controlling, then stop treating him like God.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 1:33pm
Im not consulting him, hes the one suggesting that i move out and has been pushing for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 1:37pm

Tori,

Your AP is being manipulative and controlling.He knows you are emotionally attached to him and he is using that to his advantage.Open your eyes !

You had ended your A for good, hadnt you?Why all this interaction now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 1:50pm
We have remained friends. When something is bothering him he comes to me and vice versa. I think he means well. He has to understand that we are not together.as a real couple.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Sat, 01-24-2009 - 2:48pm

Hi Tori,


I do not know the entire history of your A but have read the recent posts.