Why not ask spouse for an open M?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Why not ask spouse for an open M?
3
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 12:24pm

I am just curious about this. My DH had an A, I also had one (which he doesn't know about), we are now separated and "talking". Although I haven't told my DH about my A, I am thinking about asking him for an open M if we get back together. I stopped having my A because I just could not lead a double life and sneak around like that. I'm afraid to ask him because I don't want him to take me off of the pedestal he has me on. I know it's selfish but my DH really thinks I walk on water and I can't bring myself to tell him that I cheated. Before anyone stones me, I also haven't told him that we are getting back together because I feel bad about him not knowing I cheated. He confessed to me about his A and ended it the day he told me which surprised me because I thought he was in love with his AP. He told me that he only had an A because I had pushed him so far away and he was lonely but he wants to spend his life with me.


Anyway, why don't you ask your spouse for an open M instead of cheating behind their backs?


Wouldn't that be easier than sneaking? I know for me sneaking felt awful. Shouldn't your spouse have a choice in whether they are sharing their mate? Just need other people's opinions.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 8:00pm

I haven't asked because I'm 99.9998% (LOL!) sure he'd be FLOORED...say "HE&# NO!" AND the fact that I even asked would probably tip him off that I had someone already in mind. H and AP aren't friends (not that they wouldn't be...just don't "run" in the same circles) but they do know each other...it would get AWKWARD!!


I SERIOUSLY thought about it...especially during a time when AP was out of my life (we tried to end...long story, but we truly missed each other...the friendship WAY over the PA, but we're back in nonetheless...) and I was feeling so like I needed someone and was going CRAZY. H is a GOOD...no, GREAT man, but we've grown apart.(Yes, I've done T...read a thousand books, etc...Heck, H read the books, too and T said that's almost unheard of!!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 7:22am

For me, that would take a lot of the fun out of A's. And H would never go along, he'd kick me to the curb and I'm not going thru that again. Besides I couldn't stand for him to be with someone else. I know that's hypocritical but that's just me.

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 8:10am
It would be easier than sneaking. But I know he wouldn't go along, and, like Kimber said, he would assume I had someone in mind and become suspicious. I actually wouldn't mind his having the same opportunity to have another R. I could deal with that and it would only be fair. I've said before and I'll say again - if I'd been born 20 or 30 years later than I was and was a young adult with the choices in types of relationships that young adults have today I would probably look for a life partner who liked the idea of an open marriage.

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