Why not an open relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2010
Why not an open relationship?
5
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 6:43pm

Recently there have been a number of posts here from people in their 2nd or 3rd A, and posts about having simultaneous A's. Some seem to believe in the adage, once a cheater, always a cheater.

For those in these situations, I wonder what has kept you from establishing an open relationship with your spouse. If you'd like to have multiple partners, why not set up your R so thAt it is accepted and acknowledged?

I've thought about asking this of my W. I don't think she'd agree, but I know that the dishonesty is the hardest part of the A for me. I hate the hiding and the lying. I can be a good partner to my W, but not when I am always watching my back.

So, why don't we all try the alternative?

MPV

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 9:10pm
I guess I would be on my 3rd A but hate to admit it. In my situation, I just really want one AP for a LTR....Though easier said than done I guess. I would probably want a open relationship with my H at this point in my life, though I don't think he would go for it. My thinking is if I mention wanting a open relationship and he freaks out over it, then that opens the door for him suspecting me to possibly be in a A. I'm in a catch 22 I think. Plus a open relationship would have to work both ways, I have thought about this I would be okay as long as I did not know about what he was doing and with who.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 9:33pm

I used to post on a message board that had couples in "polyamorous" relationships.

Proud to be a





You've

Avatar for earnhardt_jr_fan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 04-04-2010 - 12:18am

There's no way my ex-H would have gone for this. No way. No how.

Plus, I knew as soon as I met my current boyfriend that being with my husband any longer wasn't option. Yes, we'd been together for 13 years, had 2 children together, owned a home, etc. But, I knew from the first moment that meeting my current boyfriend meant the end of my marriage. I wasn't willing to stay in my marriage and just see him on the side. I wanted to be with him 100%.

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Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sun, 04-04-2010 - 7:09am

Hi Malepov,


There is no way,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2010
Sun, 04-04-2010 - 12:33pm

That is a very good question and if we were sensible people we would have opt for open marriage.
I don't think more than one affair is worse than one affair,we are cheating any way and its not like if your spouse found out you can say look honey I had only one,they will get hurt with one or more than one.Even if you are having one affair opting for open marriage would be the best choice.

I honestly don't know what kept me from having a open relationship.I never thought about it.And if really honestly speaking,open marriage means my H have the permission to sleep with other people and I am not comfortable about it,I mean would you be comfortable if your wife have sex with other man and we want open relationship when we are having an affair imagine if your wife ask you instead about open marriage what would be your reaction,I KNOW it is double standard and that is why I said we are selfish people to begin with.

People who believe that starting a conversation about open marriage would lead them to suspection,I don't believe that,I think its about the way we are talking and starting a way to start a conversation about open marriage that would actually work,its just that most of us don't really want to have an open relationship.

I am going to start this discussion on all sides of affair,lets see what other party think about it,join me on it.