why is there a roller coaster?
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| Fri, 01-09-2004 - 9:01pm |
Granted we all have our good and bad points- but this is a guy who takes his kids almost daily to practices and trots them all over the place for travel team games etc. He cooks and cleans and does lots around the house. He is a surgeon who got hurt and is on disability, but still works and granted doesn't make what he use to-- but makes ALOT...and she can work if she wants and can make a fair amount of money. I know I am on his side and biased- but the kids side with him and that tells you something and that gets W even more upset. He finally talked with his parents as he was very depressed -- and his parents have let him see things a little clearer.
He said he had needed space and time to figure out whether his R with me was causing things to deteriorate with W...and now knows that our R will not change the course of his R with W. He is much happier when we are communicating than when we are not.
I do love him and respect him. We have been friends for over 20 years and have been through so many things over the years. I guess I am wary about getting back on the roller coaster. We haven't been together in over a year and I like where we are right now with the talking-- I just don't want to ruin that if that makes sense. I know he loves me and I have not doubted that (OK not very much) over the past year. When you talk about the thrill of the chase that is not us- for some inane reason he thinks the world of me and I think the world of him-- so this may sound dumb-- but what causes the roller coaster? And how do you maintain that balance?

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How do you do it? How do you keep moving forward without the thought of being together in the future? I would never trade being best friends for anything- that is why I am a little gun shy about getting together again after 3 months of NC and another 6 months of awkward communication. Now we are back to normal- can talk about anything and everything. It is great...but I also think about being with him again...and that for now can only lead to more ups and downs in my mind...which I do not want.
You and I are connected in a way that goes beyond romance, beyond friendship, beyond what we've ever had before. It has defied time, distance, and changes in ourselves and in our lives. And it has defied every explanation except one: purely and simply, we're soul mates. I can't explain it. I just feel it. It's there in the way my spirit subtly lifts whenever we talk, how the sound of your voice brings me home in a way I can't explain. It's in the delight I feel when we laugh at exactly the same things. When I'm with you, it's like a tiny part of the universe shifts into the place it's supposed to be, and all is right with the world. These things, and so many more, have made me understand that this is a once-in-a-lifetime, forever connection that could only exist between you and me. And deep in my soul, I know that our relationship is a rare gift, one that will bring us an extraordinary happiness all through our lives." Suzanne Heins
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