why wont he read my email, for closure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
why wont he read my email, for closure.
8
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 3:23pm

last saturday i ended my affair with my X-ap, i could not be a secret. i felt like i was hurting him and his family. for more closure yest morning i sent him an email through an acct that will let me know if he read the email, and he has not. i'm almost sure he deleted the email. i want to know why he wont read it.

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2009
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 4:02pm

First I think this should be posted under EAS board since that is where your other posts are listed explaining this, and I think you will get better support on ending this relationship because that is what he clearly wants too.


Second, this guy is scared to death that his family is going to find out that he had an affair and now bringing the fact that you are pregnant into this makes it all more terrifying for him.


Third, if he is breathing he has to be feeling all sorts of guilt for this whole relationship.


I am finding first believing that every affair or circumstances are different, and then reading on here the underlying thing tends to be the same. Women in general "feel" so much more and think they are in love, or hell they do fall in love often when trying not to do so. They believe the man is feeling the same way when often times that is not the case as I suspect with your ap.


I can feel your pain in reading your "note" to him and I can empathize with you knowing how much easier it is to fall in love with someone when you are in an empty marriage, you want out and you were counting on him to advise you and he can only repeat what he has already told you. He is not leaving is marriage and this affair was to be a secret. Love? Please work on yourself to fall out of love with this guy. You need to decide if you want to keep this baby or not for you. Obviously you need to get outside counsiling before you tell your husband this added information. You have to have a plan for leaving because if he is already abusive to you, he will only be more abusive to you if you are pregnant, and from your earlier messages it sounded like would not stay married. (but few guys would be able to do so)


So, to answer your question why won't he read your email? How do you know he hasn't ? Either way the answer from him is the same. He is choosing not to rescue you from this. He will always feel "trapped" by you for getting pregnant, yes even though he is equally involved. He was not in this for expanding his family tree. He has the information now ... affair over, your pregnant,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 4:06pm

Are you pregnant by him?


I am so sorry to hear you're going thru so much pain.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 4:19pm
he did finally read the email, i just miss him.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 4:35pm
i ended the affair, he didn't. he didn't want to end the affair. i don't want any more from him, just my way of saying that i do love you, and my way of saying i hope that you are happy. had i not ended the affair it would have stayed the same, but i didn't want to hurt anyone. it was my way of saying so. through this social networking site, which is where the email went, it lets me know when it's opened and read. i never counted on my X-AP to rescue me, i never wanted him to leave his family, hence the reason why i ended the affair.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2009
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 5:12pm

You ended the affair, but you also told him you were ending the baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 5:30pm
i'm not looking for a response from him at all. it's the hardest thing i ever had to do was end an affair with someone that i love so deeply. i'm having a hard time. i love him way too much to handle being kept a secret, and i care for his family way too much to hurt them in any way. sometimes when we love someone we have to do things that hurt us that we know is the right choice. it hurts.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Mon, 10-26-2009 - 3:12am
Well at least you can have some peace knowing that he knows your feelings. You are a brave and beautiful person. I wish you well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Mon, 10-26-2009 - 8:51am
that was the reason why i sent him the email. i only wish him well, and love amd miss him.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit