Why would you want to....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Why would you want to....
16
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 9:41pm
continue in a relationship where you can't even call your partner for fear of "driving him away"? Why would you want to be in a relationship where if he says he will call you back "in a bit" and he doesn't call for three more days, you can't even call him to ask him, "heh?"??

I ask this because I see a lot of that sort of thing on this board, and I see that there are a lot of women on this board putting a lot at risk for these relationships. But what kind of relationship is that? What is so special about these guys that make you want to compromise what you want in a real relationship in order to be with them once in a while when they make the time for sex?

Help me out here? I don't understand....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 11:44am
Hello Lurker,

I am not sure I understand what you are trying to say. For one thing, I wasn't "responding" to your or Lily's viewpoint about the telephone calls, but giving YogaChick my opinion about them.

Also, I have been in an affair for over three years so even though it may not be like all of the other affairs here, I know what "can" be involved even though relationships vary. Just because a phone call is on your list of importance and can make or break your relationship, that isn't the case for everyone. I am not trying to say how it "should" be for you or even trying to speak specifically about your relationship.

You can wholeheartedly disagee with me, but for "me" a phone call isn't all that significant...and that I can say - repeatedly. :-)

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 12:23pm
You are welcome to say whatever you want rose4161. After all, its your opinion. Even though you weren't responding to me I took as my perogative make my situation clear, that's all. I didn't know I shouldn't be responding to your posts if you weren't posting to me. I did not say my case should be applied to everybody here, just merely saying that you couldn't say a phone call is just a phone call to ME ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 12:42pm
Hello Lurker,

I am beginning to feel like I am out of the loop in this conversation with you. :-) For one thing, I haven't indicated that you shouldn't be responding to my posts. What I "tried" to relay to you was that I was not directing any of my comments to you "personally" even if you took them that way.

As far as saying anything about phone calls to "you", well if you and I were discussing phone calls you now know my viewpoint as I know yours. So regardless of your circumstances, my opinions would remain the same. If that is something that upsets you, strikes a nerve, or is simply something that you don't want to hear, then all that can be done is that you and I not discuss that particular subject...not that I am restricted in voicing my viewpoint to whoever may be listening.

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 1:00pm
Rose,

I don't know why you keep responding to my posts even if you don't particularly follow them. LOL I never said you directed your comments at me and I was merely responding to your first post because I felt the need to, remember, I am just another lurker (with an urge to clear things up with you). LOL I am not "dicussing" anything WITH YOU, but merely adding my thoughts to your post. I don't why you feel weird or confused about that.... I have no hidden agenda here and I usually posts to threads that I can "contribute" or feel strongly about. As you said before, I am just repeating myself here, by saying you are welcome to your opnions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 1:57pm
I wonder about that, too, sometimes, Yoga. I don't have that kind of stuff going on in my own A. I'm arrogant enough to think I've got a unique situation, but obviously most of us think that. There have been one or two posts that have caused me to stop and think the same thing...geez, this is as bad or worse than my marriage, why sign on for something like that? But I gotta figure that they are big girls and know what they're doing. Obviously something carries them through, so I'm glad you asked what that something is. Gives me a better understanding of where they're coming from.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 7:17pm
I agree with that.I started an a with a mm and I am m.I should say me and mm both stated the a.I loved the fact that he was giving me attention and making me feel good about myself again,because I had a low selfesteem.Well anyway om ended the a and now I'm back to feeling low.Now I say it wasnot worth it because I now have added a new problem.Feeling good is great though.Do I even make since?I have been upset allday.I feel I will get through this though.H is home have to go.

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