Wife is calling me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Wife is calling me
24
Fri, 10-16-2009 - 12:58am

GREAT! The wife is calling me, AGAIN!


The first happened in January - he straightened it out (and also got her pregnant!).

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 10:12pm

Lost, dont talk talk to her about AP. If youre really done with him, then let him sort his own mess. You do not want any repercussions from either him or her and telling her the truth in your case could put you in harms way. Block her calls and dont say anything.

I understand that you feel remorse for your part in the A and that she is an unwilling party to his lies. You can not save the W from APs actions as i believe if it wasnt you, it would have been someone else. I think you should tell AP that his W called you and that he better deal with her questions or you will have to answer her honestly if she continues to contact you, but give him the option to clean the mess in his own house.

Im Xing my fingers that they both leave you be. Good luck.

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 11:08pm


Lost,

I never said the wife had no right to call you, to be more clear I was trying to say no good can come out of it. The problems in their relationship (the xap and his wife) are their problems alone. Bringing you into it, isn't really going to answer her questions. Her husband went outside of their marriage for his own reasons whatever they maybe. You didn't make him do anything, he chose this all on his own, without anyone's help. I know how it feels to cheat in a relationship. When I cheated, it really had nothing to do with my ex-husband, it was my own issues and blaming him even a little bit was just a sign of me not owning up to my actions. It would have also done no good for my ex-husband to confront or blame my ap partner. He didn't cheat my marriage, I did. That's why I don't think it's a good idea for xap's wife to call you. I also think you need to be really careful with these people, you don't want to experience any more pain and for it to turn into a he said she said situation where words get turned around and turn really ugly. I think it would be a really good idea to walk away and just leave the situation for your xap to deal with. They are (or she is) just keeping you involved still and it's just keeping the drama going. I wasn't being unsupportive, I do realize you have made good steps to remove yourself from this man so I do apologize if I came off that way, and to anyone else if I offended. I know my views on this won't be agreed by everyone else and I do respect other people's opinions and views as well. Take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 12:58am

Thanks Jen, and no I didn't think you came off offensive.

I appreciate everyone's insight and support. I am letting AP handle his marriage and his wife. I told him that I want him to take care of it because if she calls me again I'll be honest with her and answer her questions.

He said he's going to tell her the truth after she has the baby.

I just hate sitting and waiting. He's really showed improvements in the past two months when I tried to distance myself from him. As far as I can tell, he's been honest (I double checked everything he's said and found he's been honest), he's been sweet and sincere in things... If you know my AP, these changes in him are radical. I think he really did get scared when he thought he as losing me.

The problem is that now *I* don't want to be with him. AP is talking about leaving, and starting a life with me (althou I don't believe it) BUT *I* am the one not wanting a life with him. The baby is something I cannot over look, it hurts so much to know he got her pregnant. No amount of apologizing is going to make me forget and forgive. And I also know most relationships that start from affairs don't last... AP is really trying hard - he's not all completely bad. I just can't believe he has no guilt, no remorse for the hurt he's causing his family???

I'm afraid that he thinks he's going to end up with me, so he's going to be honest with her and the I won't be there for him in the end? I know this is a long shot and most likely not going to happen...but these are things going through my head... i need to consider EVERYTHING.

Thanks for listening

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 10:18am

Lost, this guy is telling you one thing and his W another. He is fence-sitting. You can't believe he doesn't have remorse for what he is doing to his family but believe me, he has to be pouring on the syrup at home to his W. Don't believe a word he says. He had every right to get his W pregnant. She is his W, after all. You are the intruder in this M. He is telling you exactly what he thinks you want to hear to continue to get the feel goods you are giving him. His W wants to talk to you because she wants to know the truth because he is lying to you both. I say the two of you get together and make him make finally show his true colors. He is talking to you in secret telling you what you want to hear and he is doing the same thing with his W.


The fireman may not have worked out but there is a man out there for you who is single and honest and who won't be playing two women. Believe what you see and not what you hear.

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