wife found out about our EA, now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
wife found out about our EA, now what?
14
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 2:11pm

Brief history, I've been with H for 11 years, recently not so happily and I met back up with an old crush through a Reunion site a little over a month ago.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 2:22pm

Welcome to the board.


What now? First, you need to do absolutely nothing. AP said he will contact you Monday so all you can do is wait. Right now he's doing one of three things: (1) calming his W down and trying to convince her he did nothing wrong, its all you, and make her believe there's no A; (2) coming clean about the "friendship" getting out of hand and asking for forgiveness; (3) coming clean about the EA and his plan to leave.


Nothing you can do about any of those and hopefully, come Monday, he will tell you truthfully which of the above he did. If he truly does plan to leave, he should at least be honest with you, though he may still be trying to convince his W that there is nothing going on, so don't be surprised to learn that next week.


As to keeping things as "unmessy" as possible - there's really not much chance of that. A D is always messy, and to introduce an A makes it so much messier you can't even fathom how messy it will get.


I would really, strongly encourage you to make sure your H never finds out about the A, and do what you can to ensure AP's W never gets confirmation of the A. If he chooses

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 2:37pm

Thank you so much for your response, it does make me feel a little more calm.


I just pray he's honest with me about his response to her.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 3:06pm

I agree - an EA certainly is not the same as a PA. In some respects, it is much worse. Imagine finding out the person you love had sex with someone - lets say a momentarily lapse in reason, they express regret, they ask for forgiveness, which you grant, and you rebuild your M.


Now, imagine finding out the person you love and trust more than anyone else in the world is completely emotionally, mentally

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 3:27pm

Dont be fooled,obxbell! EA are more dangerous. they have the potential of making you take those steps which you wont take if you are in a full blown A. There is a sexual tension on which you dont act upon but its too intense to hold back.but you still hold back and that makes the entire A a very strong EA ,topping with the high emotions involved.

One has to be in an EA to find its depth and the most difficult part is breaking free from it.EAs are much more tough to let go than PAs.

Good Luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 3:35pm

Yes, to both of you - I totally agree that EA can be so much stronger and damaging

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 3:42pm
Agreed, as they havent been there and dont realize what an EA can do !
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 4:12pm

Exactly.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2008
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 6:21pm

Yeah, you're in a tough spot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 6:46pm

Thank you so much for your reply hannahandhersisters.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2008
Sat, 08-23-2008 - 7:07pm

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