WIFE IS PREGNANT- need advise
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WIFE IS PREGNANT- need advise
| Sat, 09-06-2003 - 5:14pm |
Hello everyone,
i could use some input on how to deal with this.
MM and I are together for 2 years, I know he will not leave home...lots of reasons, I know I know ifI say he is staying out of finances, out of it being the right thing to do go continue to be a great provider and he is truly one of the superdads otu there, telling you that he works 12 hours a day , does the whole household, and i mean from scrubbing bathtubs etc...he thinks this is his easy way out of trouble with her. if it would nto be for the child they already have he would not be there...and like I said I know this sounds so much like oh yeah right...we know the w. has her suspicions about us and found my hair in his car etc...nothign to concrete however, but if she has any gut feeling she knows...she did not work for the longest and well long story made short how easy is it for us women to become pregnant how much say do the man really have. however being pregnant is surely the best way of making sure he is not going anywhere, right? So here I am having a hard time with dealing with it..staying in it now seem so wrong...but my girlfriend say...well he was not leaving her anyway, new baby coming of not...what makes the difference....???....and it si not that I was sitting her ( I am single) and were waiting for him to leave her one day...hoping for what if , of course, but I was realistic about it...but I wonder with being the superdad and provider he already is what turmoil the baby will bring him to...emotionally, out of guilt for seeing me..
so i am pretty much scared.
Was anyoen in this situation before.....
Thanks everyone.....Me
i could use some input on how to deal with this.
MM and I are together for 2 years, I know he will not leave home...lots of reasons, I know I know ifI say he is staying out of finances, out of it being the right thing to do go continue to be a great provider and he is truly one of the superdads otu there, telling you that he works 12 hours a day , does the whole household, and i mean from scrubbing bathtubs etc...he thinks this is his easy way out of trouble with her. if it would nto be for the child they already have he would not be there...and like I said I know this sounds so much like oh yeah right...we know the w. has her suspicions about us and found my hair in his car etc...nothign to concrete however, but if she has any gut feeling she knows...she did not work for the longest and well long story made short how easy is it for us women to become pregnant how much say do the man really have. however being pregnant is surely the best way of making sure he is not going anywhere, right? So here I am having a hard time with dealing with it..staying in it now seem so wrong...but my girlfriend say...well he was not leaving her anyway, new baby coming of not...what makes the difference....???....and it si not that I was sitting her ( I am single) and were waiting for him to leave her one day...hoping for what if , of course, but I was realistic about it...but I wonder with being the superdad and provider he already is what turmoil the baby will bring him to...emotionally, out of guilt for seeing me..
so i am pretty much scared.
Was anyoen in this situation before.....
Thanks everyone.....Me

I'm sorry I wasn't any help.It's just reading your post made me think about it again. Just wanted to say though, hang in there. Don't let her get you down.
Hugs
What is it exactly that you are afraid of? That he will end the EMA, or that your R w/MM will never be more than an EMA? I am not clear from your post which is your concern.
Frankly, in either case I see the situation as being out of your hands. It sounds like he was pretty clear, even prior to the pregnancy, that he was not leaving his W. So having another baby doesn't make it harder... it makes no change at all. His plan all along was to stay w/W and keep his family with her together. Whether the pregnancy creates added guilt for MM... only he can say. You can't control that, nor how he will choose to react to it.
I'm not trying to sound unsupportive. I just mean that you're worrying about a situation that in many ways has nothing to do with you. You have nothing to do w/his R with his W, with her pregnancy, or his superdad status. The best you can do for you is focus on what you *can* control, and on what you want. Do you know what you want from him? Is the EMA enough? If it's not enough, then you need to take steps to get the kind of R you want, but not from MM. He's already clear on what he's willing to give you, and what he is not. You need to take care of yourself.
Good luck.
lily
I think a lot of what lily said is very good advice to you... but I have a feeling that what you were looking for is how for you to cope with this impending new arrival and how it will effect your relationship with MM... tell me whether I'm right or wrong.
I've been in my EMA now for over 3 years and have pretty much been through a similar situation... and I've also been on the reverse side of things and been the one who has been pregnant.
What I can tell you... is that your MM will more than likely go through an emotional uphevel... he already has one child, which as you say loves dearly... and no matter how much he does or doesn't want another child at this stage... he will want that child when it's born.
However... this doesn't really mean things will change for you and him either... he may need to find his own space for a bit to be able to deal with it... men are like that... so don't feel too bad when he does.
MM and I have always been able to talk about pretty much anything and everything... but with the pregnancy... I let him come to me... I told him I was there for him whenever he needed to talk things through, but I never brought it up. Even when the baby was due... I simply asked him to let him know that all was ok... and then as hard as it was... I sat back and waited for him to come back to me. He went through so much dealing with this baby as he did not want it... I knew that things would be different when she was born. That baby is now almost 3 and he loves her so much.
Now! what I think you both must decide is whether you both still want your relationship to continue... he may want to end it... but I feel this may be a time that he may meed you most... but what matters the most is... is this want you want??? knowing that what you have with him now... is all you will even have. If that is what you want... then trust me... given allowances... you can work through this and your relationship will survive... it may even make it stronger.
I hope I've helped you a little...
luv and hugs
Sweet
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
These men do... have what most men envy and want... they have their cake.. and eat it too!
Well im sorry I dont know if I gave u much advice but things should not change if you dont want more of him then what you have now things should not change. Ask him?? What does he say??? I did. I WISH YOU THE BEST hugs - Sany