Stepping in where angels fear to tread.......I believe that you are asking the question on the wrong board. I would suggest http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp
of course i wouldnt spill the beans neither, but i would re-direct her back to her husband/partner for its him that should answer the questions. Although if she wanted to know if the A was definatly over and that was the case, then i would tell her and put her mind at rest. I guess its more on those lines i was thinking about.
Oh why does it have to be so difficult, for whatever reason or whatever situations we find ourselves in, one thing is for sure A, after A, or definatly during A nothing is smooth riding, we all know that and if we dont we soon learn it.
take care tyger
Wild i do hope you find a way forward that works for you and your wife, and that you can both put the A behind you and strengthen your marriage if that is what you both truly want.
SS
"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"
Your wife's beef is with you, not with the OW. Let her ask you all her questions and you answer all of it honestly. If she persists on wanting to contact the OW tell her you have NO CONTACT with the OW and don't know where she is by now.
Some things are better left alone especially if it can do more damage than good..... Your W needs closure? Well, closure comes from self. Have her write a letter then burn it.
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
It's a really bad idea. Please do not contact the OW, she's been through enough already. Your W can write a letter and give it to a therapist, that might help.
If I ever heard from my xMM's W I would not be very happy about it. I might even end up disclosing stuff my xMM would NOT want her to know about. It's too volatile and dangerous - don't go there.
Girls, whoa! Calm down and I'll answer your questions; the AP was single, with a grown child, and a grandchild. She's a grandmother!
My wife and I have been in marriage counseling and it was very positive and enlightening for me and healing for her. She has been through alot by my actions and was pretty much blasted away into another place by my confession to her months after I'd ended the A.
I saw my AP on Friday's on my weekly trips into the city. We saw each other only once a month or so, her place, just about only her place, and had sex maybe once a month, great exciting sex for me but I was never in love with my AP. It was only for the sex and I told her that from the beginning, that I loved my wife and that I had no intention of leaving my wife, I talked often about my W, showed AP pictures, talked about W and her gifts and talents and why I was with W. Yes, I did mention that the sex had gotten stale because it had, for me, after 20+ years of marriage!
We both still had satisfying sex together but I made a huge mistake when I let this sexual fling begin. It caused my W so much pain and that hurts me too. I know how it sounds, so unconscious and all but I took advantage of a not so good option and here I am, telling you about what I learned from this. My AP knew the limits of our A which she was a willing particpant in but after a short time she began to demand more than what I was willing to give and so I ended it after about 4 months. We had no contact for a long time and then last spring it started up again. I could tell my AP really wanted a bigger commitment from me and about this time, my W started feeling that something was seriously wrong though I denied that she had anything to worry about. (In my mind she didn't have anything to worry about because I was never going to trade her in
well geez...since your xOW was nothing but a unpaid prostitute to you..to pretty much summarize what you've further described (and that is how it is it seems...n) why don't you tell your wife that
your wife shouldn't have to defend your marriage, you should have done that from the beginning by not entering an affair with someone...it's all on you...i mean seriously...for you to encourage or even welcome or condone or not stop your wife from mailing a letter is not fair to the AP regardless of whether it was just sex or not.....it is your duty not your wife's(in this instance) to defend your marriage and your family...NOW YOU DO THAT...you cheated not the wife....what is on your mind? seriously..tell your wife to leave the OW alone and again, regardless of whether it was sex or not...your OW may fire back with some things you don't want the wife to know..leaving the wife hurt and more angry with you....i am just laughing at you for even thinking this would bring the wife closure..it's gonna open the wound up more...trust us on it
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
also you can write what you want on here but to make a proclamation that your marriage is much stronger is not necessary..if it was you wouldn't need to put it out there...nor would you need to bring to the board that your W wants to contact OW...sorry if i sound harsh..i'm not trying to be..just some things to ponder....is your marriage really stronger?? or are there some things that you sough in the affair that are lacking in your marriage...? is your wife really that satisfying to you sexually? if she was you wouldn't have needed to go outside the marriage....and i said to you because there may be nothing wrong with her but there is definately something inside you that is not getting satisfaction.....you have to look deeper within yourself to find out what that is..and if you aren't truly happy with yourself in this marriage either fix it or get out so that you dont cheat on your wife again...feel me....? nothing wrong with fixing a mistake or getting out because you love your wife and no longer want to hurt her by cheating again....feel me...i hope at the end of the day you can look at yourself in the mirror and be happy or at least be able to look at yourself at all....get counselling or get out...if counselling doesn't work then let the wife go..leave the OW alone and find someone with whom you can truly be happy and that compliments you in the way you need to be complimented
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
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of course i wouldnt spill the beans neither, but i would re-direct her back to her husband/partner for its him that should answer the questions. Although if she wanted to know if the A was definatly over and that was the case, then i would tell her and put her mind at rest. I guess its more on those lines i was thinking about.
Oh why does it have to be so difficult, for whatever reason or whatever situations we find ourselves in, one thing is for sure A, after A, or definatly during A nothing is smooth riding, we all know that and if we dont we soon learn it.
take care tyger
Wild i do hope you find a way forward that works for you and your wife, and that you can both put the A behind you and strengthen your marriage if that is what you both truly want.
SS
"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"
"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"
Your wife's beef is with you, not with the OW. Let her ask you all her questions and you answer all of it honestly. If she persists on wanting to contact the OW tell her you have NO CONTACT with the OW and don't know where she is by now.
Some things are better left alone especially if it can do more damage than good..... Your W needs closure? Well, closure comes from self. Have her write a letter then burn it.
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson
Hi.
Hi wild,
It's a really bad idea. Please do not contact the OW, she's been through enough already. Your W can write a letter and give it to a therapist, that might help.
If I ever heard from my xMM's W I would not be very happy about it. I might even end up disclosing stuff my xMM would NOT want her to know about. It's too volatile and dangerous - don't go there.
good luck
trixie
Hi Wild,
Speaking for myself, and that I am a SW, I would NOT welcome any contact from the wife if my affair is over.
Girls, whoa! Calm down and I'll answer your questions; the AP was single, with a grown child, and a grandchild. She's a grandmother!
My wife and I have been in marriage counseling and it was very positive and enlightening for me and healing for her. She has been through alot by my actions and was pretty much blasted away into another place by my confession to her months after I'd ended the A.
I saw my AP on Friday's on my weekly trips into the city. We saw each other only once a month or so, her place, just about only her place, and had sex maybe once a month, great exciting sex for me but I was never in love with my AP. It was only for the sex and I told her that from the beginning, that I loved my wife and that I had no intention of leaving my wife, I talked often about my W, showed AP pictures, talked about W and her gifts and talents and why I was with W. Yes, I did mention that the sex had gotten stale because it had, for me, after 20+ years of marriage!
We both still had satisfying sex together but I made a huge mistake when I let this sexual fling begin. It caused my W so much pain and that hurts me too. I know how it sounds, so unconscious and all but I took advantage of a not so good option and here I am, telling you about what I learned from this. My AP knew the limits of our A which she was a willing particpant in but after a short time she began to demand more than what I was willing to give and so I ended it after about 4 months. We had no contact for a long time and then last spring it started up again. I could tell my AP really wanted a bigger commitment from me and about this time, my W started feeling that something was seriously wrong though I denied that she had anything to worry about. (In my mind she didn't have anything to worry about because I was never going to trade her in
well geez...since your xOW was nothing but a unpaid prostitute to you..to pretty much summarize what you've further described (and that is how it is it seems...n) why don't you tell your wife that
your wife shouldn't have to defend your marriage, you should have done that from the beginning by not entering an affair with someone...it's all on you...i mean seriously...for you to encourage or even welcome or condone or not stop your wife from mailing a letter is not fair to the AP regardless of whether it was just sex or not.....it is your duty not your wife's(in this instance) to defend your marriage and your family...NOW YOU DO THAT...you cheated not the wife....what is on your mind? seriously..tell your wife to leave the OW alone and again, regardless of whether it was sex or not...your OW may fire back with some things you don't want the wife to know..leaving the wife hurt and more angry with you....i am just laughing at you for even thinking this would bring the wife closure..it's gonna open the wound up more...trust us on it
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
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