No he was attacked because of how he referred to the exOW and a few took offense at it. Most on here are in that boat or were. It doesn't matter what sex you are, once NC is done it should stay that way. I for one don't see how reestablishing any contact can help.
You should go to another board and stop responding to tyger. Obviously she is sure that her AP loves her but your DH clearly loves you. The OW was just a piece of you know what. She is taking offense because somewhere deep inside she is feeling insecure and cheated. You and your DH should leave the OW alone and do the hard work that is necessary to rebuild your M. You are lucky that he didn't develop feelings and still loves you. We all fall short sometimes but you and your DH have decided to make your M work. Go to another board (i.e. BSS) where women are hurting like you where women have sympathy for each other because they are going through the same thing. Stay away from this board because you will find women who are comfortable sleeping with MM and will make no bones about it. You and your DH reading this board will do more harm than good to your M.
I have been reading all the replies to this post and finally had to reply myself. You are telling susieq that “most women on this board don’t understand how she feels”? What are you implying? That most of us on this board are cold hearted B#tches? So basically according to you her husband loved her so much that he had to cheat on her…. WOW! He risked his marriage and everything in it to go outside his M and break his vows to her because he loved her SO much! If my understanding is correct when you “LOVE” someone unconditionally you go out of your way to make them happy and not go out of your way and “SCREW” someone else. Am I correct? So its so easy to forgive the husband because he was forced to have an affair with the OW and she probably twisted his arm till he slept with her…. Right? It’s all her fault the poor husband was just confused… even though it went on for months or years in some cases.
" If my understanding is correct when you “LOVE” someone unconditionally you go out of your way to make them happy " NO,your understanding is completely wrong.
Unconditional means loving someone irrespective of their actions and beliefs ( google it ).You love because you love and dont expect anything in return.IMO, its the purest form of love but most difficult !
You seem to have taken everything personally.Or are have some of the posters gone paranoid that ' what if my AP/exAP 's spouse wants this and our AP/exAP gives in to his/her request'.Thats the feeling i get !
There are many posts here where you read about men pursuing/manipulating the women.Of course the OM is being aggressive in landing the woman in an A but when it messes up,they 'usually' blame the woman for enticing them.the role can be reversed as well !
Its strange tho that the posters who used to express undying love are spitting venom when things have not materialized the way they wanted. its sad indeed.
I never insinuated that the women on this board were cold hearted anythings. I merely suggested that a BS go to the appropriate board where she will get the support she needed. The women on this board are very comfortable having an A with MM and they support each other in it.
Also you are dead wrong that men who cheat on the W don't love them. Love is not without fault. Studies have shown time and time again that men can have a physical relationship with a woman and never develop feelings for that woman. This man is mature enough to know who he loves and he says he loves his W. Yes, he was wrong for cheating on her but sometimes ppl find themselves doing things to ppl they really love because of deep issues within themselves. When a man loves you the whole world will know. He won't hide you or his love for you from the world. He will make you and everyone else know that he loves you. I also NEVER said it was the OW fault that he had an A. Both parties are equally responsible. Men are usually the pursuers in the start of an A. I know, I have a good friend whose H has been making overtures towards me for years. I would NEVER return them but men will usually push the evelope with a woman and if she bites its on. I am not anyone's judge if they choose to have an A. If someone likes sharing their man more power to them. Personally, I am way too selfish for that but that is me.
The poster did not say his S*x life sucks now, he indicated that they had a dry spell and have now rekindled the spark.
I think you must be feeling insecure about your own R with your MM because you have taken my post and the other posts totally out of context.
I think the gist I am getting is that he wants to lift up how wonderful the W is (ummm yah she's reading the posts) and put down how little the OW meant to him which feels to
i won't reply with a declaration of anything..however i will tell you that i am way certain my Xap as i said, stop perusing or skimming the posts (read them completely), still loves me dearly...however again..i find it amazing that the BS wants to blame the OW..it's not all the OW fault...it's the Betrayers fault as well...but okay you may see what you want in it and an opinion is just that..an opinion...was trying to get the Origianl poster to see that proclaiming how important his wife is to him doesn't prove anything to anyone..he needs to prove that to her..his loyalty is with her...and he has way more to prove to himself as well...contacting the ow at this point would be futile...understand me...? i hope so....btw..there is nothing that i would ever want from XAP that i couldn't get..be it love, something superficial, time, etc...so confidence in myself isn't an issue..especially when it comes to him....
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
thanks...for that..just trying to get the betrayed spouses to see..that sometimes life happens..there is no BLACK and WHITE..there are shades of grey in relationships..it was my choice to get out and do the right thing...that doesn't mean it was easy and it does not mean that i could just walk away..xap and i have been apart for quite some time..remaining friends because of the chemistry, connection, love, inloveness, bond with my son and the fact that he's in love (so to speak) with my son as well..it is not a black and white situation...(again this is not my sons father) which makes it very very very hard on the both of us...but i realize that i hit a brick wall with MYSELF..not with him...and i had to move on, in my head..it allowed me to move on and learn to start taking care of me.....because-at this point in time XAP cannot provide me with what i need out of a partner and i was losing out on things that i so desperately wanted out of a companion...it became a double edged sword...i do love him dearly and passionately and emotionally...but what sealed the deal for me was the thought of -WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO FOR THE BOTH OF US? and that was to get out of it...seriously...despite his love for me..my love for him..the hemming and hawing between the both of us..the jealousy of me with another (on his part), my internal thoughts about his marriage that was driving me nuts on the inside, how happy he told me i made him feel, how he declared that he never felt like he could find
I find it very disturbing that you and your W came on here looking to put final closure on YOUR marital issue by dragging the OW back into it. Your W should not contact the OW and I am glad that she has decided against it. Your response to the women here, I feel, is inexcusable. You have nerve coming on here and rubbing in the fact that you were considering disrupting the life of a woman who probably has suffered greatly for her own choices. To me that is cold, selfish and calculating. Were you getting tired of your W's inability to get over YOUR mistake that you decided to throw the OW under the bus ONCE AGAIN!? After she has already moved on with her life!? Let this woman be. Your M is your problem not anyone else's.
How does anyone know that you are even telling the truth? I knew an MM who played the same card you are playing at home, but still tried to flirt when he thought it was safe. I found that to be completely disgusting and thankfully the woman he did that to had enough sense to ignore him.
If you learned from your mistake and your M is better then good for you! The OW probably has learned from her mistakes as well and she deserves peace. Haven't you hurt her enough?
Pages
Edited 3/13/2009 6:21 pm ET by lstwk2002
I have been reading all the replies to this post and finally had to reply myself. You are telling susieq that “most women on this board don’t understand how she feels”? What are you implying? That most of us on this board are cold hearted B#tches? So basically according to you her husband loved her so much that he had to cheat on her…. WOW! He risked his marriage and everything in it to go outside his M and break his vows to her because he loved her SO much! If my understanding is correct when you “LOVE” someone unconditionally you go out of your way to make them happy and not go out of your way and “SCREW” someone else. Am I correct? So its so easy to forgive the husband because he was forced to have an affair with the OW and she probably twisted his arm till he slept with her…. Right? It’s all her fault the poor husband was just confused… even though it went on for months or years in some cases.
" If my understanding is correct when you “LOVE” someone unconditionally you go out of your way to make them happy " NO,your understanding is completely wrong.
Unconditional means loving someone irrespective of their actions and beliefs ( google it ).You love because you love and dont expect anything in return.IMO, its the purest form of love but most difficult !
You seem to have taken everything personally.Or are have some of the posters gone paranoid that ' what if my AP/exAP 's spouse wants this and our AP/exAP gives in to his/her request'.Thats the feeling i get !
There are many posts here where you read about men pursuing/manipulating the women.Of course the OM is being aggressive in landing the woman in an A but when it messes up,they 'usually' blame the woman for enticing them.the role can be reversed as well !
Its strange tho that the posters who used to express undying love are spitting venom when things have not materialized the way they wanted.
its sad indeed.
I never insinuated that the women on this board were cold hearted anythings. I merely suggested that a BS go to the appropriate board where she will get the support she needed. The women on this board are very comfortable having an A with MM and they support each other in it.
Also you are dead wrong that men who cheat on the W don't love them. Love is not without fault. Studies have shown time and time again that men can have a physical relationship with a woman and never develop feelings for that woman. This man is mature enough to know who he loves and he says he loves his W. Yes, he was wrong for cheating on her but sometimes ppl find themselves doing things to ppl they really love because of deep issues within themselves. When a man loves you the whole world will know. He won't hide you or his love for you from the world. He will make you and everyone else know that he loves you. I also NEVER said it was the OW fault that he had an A. Both parties are equally responsible. Men are usually the pursuers in the start of an A. I know, I have a good friend whose H has been making overtures towards me for years. I would NEVER return them but men will usually push the evelope with a woman and if she bites its on. I am not anyone's judge if they choose to have an A. If someone likes sharing their man more power to them. Personally, I am way too selfish for that but that is me.
The poster did not say his S*x life sucks now, he indicated that they had a dry spell and have now rekindled the spark.
I think you must be feeling insecure about your own R with your MM because you have taken my post and the other posts totally out of context.
I think the gist I am getting is that he wants to lift up how wonderful the W is (ummm yah she's reading the posts) and put down how little the OW meant to him which feels to
i won't reply with a declaration of anything..however i will tell you that i am way certain my Xap as i said, stop perusing or skimming the posts (read them completely), still loves me dearly...however again..i find it amazing that the BS wants to blame the OW..it's not all the OW fault...it's the Betrayers fault as well...but okay you may see what you want in it and an opinion is just that..an opinion...was trying to get the Origianl poster to see that proclaiming how important his wife is to him doesn't prove anything to anyone..he needs to prove that to her..his loyalty is with her...and he has way more to prove to himself as well...contacting the ow at this point would be futile...understand me...? i hope so....btw..there is nothing that i would ever want from XAP that i couldn't get..be it love, something superficial, time, etc...so confidence in myself isn't an issue..especially when it comes to him....
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Edited 3/15/2009 2:10 pm ET by tygerzize
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
thanks...for that..just trying to get the betrayed spouses to see..that sometimes life happens..there is no BLACK and WHITE..there are shades of grey in relationships..it was my choice to get out and do the right thing...that doesn't mean it was easy and it does not mean that i could just walk away..xap and i have been apart for quite some time..remaining friends because of the chemistry, connection, love, inloveness, bond with my son and the fact that he's in love (so to speak) with my son as well..it is not a black and white situation...(again this is not my sons father) which makes it very very very hard on the both of us...but i realize that i hit a brick wall with MYSELF..not with him...and i had to move on, in my head..it allowed me to move on and learn to start taking care of me.....because-at this point in time XAP cannot provide me with what i need out of a partner and i was losing out on things that i so desperately wanted out of a companion...it became a double edged sword...i do love him dearly and passionately and emotionally...but what sealed the deal for me was the thought of -WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO FOR THE BOTH OF US? and that was to get out of it...seriously...despite his love for me..my love for him..the hemming and hawing between the both of us..the jealousy of me with another (on his part), my internal thoughts about his marriage that was driving me nuts on the inside, how happy he told me i made him feel, how he declared that he never felt like he could find
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
I find it very disturbing that you and your W came on here looking to put final closure on YOUR marital issue by dragging the OW back into it. Your W should not contact the OW and I am glad that she has decided against it. Your response to the women here, I feel, is inexcusable. You have nerve coming on here and rubbing in the fact that you were considering disrupting the life of a woman who probably has suffered greatly for her own choices. To me that is cold, selfish and calculating. Were you getting tired of your W's inability to get over YOUR mistake that you decided to throw the OW under the bus ONCE AGAIN!? After she has already moved on with her life!? Let this woman be. Your M is your problem not anyone else's.
How does anyone know that you are even telling the truth? I knew an MM who played the same card you are playing at home, but still tried to flirt when he thought it was safe. I found that to be completely disgusting and thankfully the woman he did that to had enough sense to ignore him.
If you learned from your mistake and your M is better then good for you! The OW probably has learned from her mistakes as well and she deserves peace. Haven't you hurt her enough?
Pages