Dude, what you don't seem to get is this. The OW does not need your W's forgiveness. If she did, she would have asked for it long time ago. Your W can forgive the OW in her mind if she's really sincere about forgiving and then let it go. You people contacting the OW for any other reasons especially if the OW has left you folks alone for over a year is NOT right. Her mistake was to listen to your baloney in the first place.
>>>"What would your viewpoint be if you received a letter from the W of your xAP and it was a letter of forgiveness rather than a letter filled with venom?"<<<
I WOULDN'T WANT TO RECEIVE ANY LETTER FROM YOUR W PERIOD! Your W's BEEF is with you. If you folks are really serious about working your issues and she really wants to forgive, then have her seek a professional therapist to help her sort that stuff out if she's really that screwed up still.
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
"So I re-phrase my question to you all: What would your viewpoint be if you received a letter from the W of your xAP and it was a letter of forgiveness rather than a letter filled with venom? Would it make a difference?"
Um.. no.
In fact, it would probably royally p*** me off. I don't need or want my xAP's W's "forgiveness", particularly as she would be offering that forgiveness based on what would undoubtedly be his version of the truth.
Here's how it might go if my exAP's W wrote and "forgave" me:
In a good mood, I might write back and tell her she should be thanking me for getting her H off the booze and shaping up. And stopping him kissing like a slobbering dog.
In a bad mood, I might send her some of our loving holiday snaps, cards, text messages and the only time she ever got mentioned, when he was telling me his version of how they got married(I know absolutely she was several months pregnant when they married because I looked it up one day). Unlike a lot of the people on here, my exAP never said he loved his wife. Oh, and how X, X, X and X, regular guests at her table, all knew about the affair from day dot and didn't just encourage it, but invited us out as a couple.
Although actually it would be much more fun to send it to his folks, he's always had a strained relationship with his dad and this would probably have him cut off by the whole family.
Or I might contact him and tell him to expect the skies to fall; he's working away from home so much that should add some fun to his day - will there be a letter this morning? Will she phone? Turn up? It'd be way more fun to torture him.
But then my exAP and I split on reasonable terms, so I probably wouldn't do any of those things. Maybe.
Everything I know from having been both sides of the fence says this is a bad idea. Your W may feel she wants or needs to do this thing but given your exOW probably wasn't too happy with how things worked out between the two of you, it could end up opening a whole other can of worms. Does she really want to open her mail one day and find the OW has written back? Would she be able to stop herself reading it?
My ex-fiance cheated on me. True peace only came when I realised that the OW was really irrelevant - no matter what he told her, he was the one who had made a commitment to me and broken it, and he was the only one I needed to forgive (I didn't).
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What would your viewpoint be if you received a letter from the W of your
Dude, what you don't seem to get is this. The OW does not need your W's forgiveness. If she did, she would have asked for it long time ago. Your W can forgive the OW in her mind if she's really sincere about forgiving and then let it go. You people contacting the OW for any other reasons especially if the OW has left you folks alone for over a year is NOT right. Her mistake was to listen to your baloney in the first place.
>>>"What would your viewpoint be if you received a letter from the W of your xAP and it was a letter of forgiveness rather than a letter filled with venom?"<<<
I WOULDN'T WANT TO RECEIVE ANY LETTER FROM YOUR W PERIOD! Your W's BEEF is with you. If you folks are really serious about working your issues and she really wants to forgive, then have her seek a professional therapist to help her sort that stuff out if she's really that screwed up still.
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson
"So I re-phrase my question to you all: What would your viewpoint be if you received a letter from the W of your xAP and it was a letter of forgiveness rather than a letter filled with venom? Would it make a difference?"
Um.. no.
In fact, it would probably royally p*** me off. I don't need or want my xAP's W's "forgiveness", particularly as she would be offering that forgiveness based on what would undoubtedly be his version of the truth.
Here's how it might go if my exAP's W wrote and "forgave" me:
In a good mood, I might write back and tell her she should be thanking me for getting her H off the booze and shaping up. And stopping him kissing like a slobbering dog.
In a bad mood, I might send her some of our loving holiday snaps, cards, text messages and the only time she ever got mentioned, when he was telling me his version of how they got married(I know absolutely she was several months pregnant when they married because I looked it up one day). Unlike a lot of the people on here, my exAP never said he loved his wife. Oh, and how X, X, X and X, regular guests at her table, all knew about the affair from day dot and didn't just encourage it, but invited us out as a couple.
Although actually it would be much more fun to send it to his folks, he's always had a strained relationship with his dad and this would probably have him cut off by the whole family.
Or I might contact him and tell him to expect the skies to fall; he's working away from home so much that should add some fun to his day - will there be a letter this morning? Will she phone? Turn up? It'd be way more fun to torture him.
But then my exAP and I split on reasonable terms, so I probably wouldn't do any of those things. Maybe.
Everything I know from having been both sides of the fence says this is a bad idea. Your W may feel she wants or needs to do this thing but given your exOW probably wasn't too happy with how things worked out between the two of you, it could end up opening a whole other can of worms. Does she really want to open her mail one day and find the OW has written back? Would she be able to stop herself reading it?
My ex-fiance cheated on me. True peace only came when I realised that the OW was really irrelevant - no matter what he told her, he was the one who had made a commitment to me and broken it, and he was the only one I needed to forgive (I didn't).
What a thread! I am really amazed. I agree with others, I believe that the poster used this opportunity to prove something/
Wild,
Forgiveness is for your wife to move on.
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