Will he or won't he?
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Will he or won't he?
| Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:31pm |
As everyone on here I want to be sure that I give all of the details so that a full understanding can be had by all. About a year and a half ago while at a convension for work a co-worker and myself started what we thought at the begining was just going to be a good time. However, before the week was over it was obvious that we were not going to be able to just stop seeing each other when we got back. And before long we were having feeling for each other which neither one of us tried to stop. Needless to say here we are a year and a half later and he still has not been able to leave his wife. He claims that it is more involved than just that, his youngest is about to graduate high school and I think that after this happens it will be an easier decision for him. I have made ultimadums and he hasn't been able to reach my deadlines. I have tried to end it telling him that if he hasn't left yet then he never will. However, I haven't been able to stay away. I think I'm afraid that if I force him away to try to make him choose I will be devastated by his choice. He has become such a major part of my life already I'm not sure if I'll be able to adjust easily to life without him. I know that he loves me, there is no doubt about that. But we've gotten to the point where I need to know how much longer and he is leery about committing to a date for fear thast if he doesnot meet it I will leave him forever. I love him, and have never felt more loved by anyone in all of my life. He claims that there is not much of a marriage and he does spend alot of time with me, but all of this time he does have an excuse for, never just saying the hell with it and dealing with things later when he gets home. Your advise?

It's only been 18 months that you've been involved after all, and you knew at the outset that he was married. You pursued this relationship knowing that he was unavailable for the kind of relationship it sounds like you now want. So, you really only have two choices: you either accept the relationship as it is, for what it is, and enjoy it, or you end the relationship if you can't accept that. If one day he does leave his marriage, then there maybe a hope of establishing the kind of relationship you'd prefer to have with this man. But, there's no guarantee that would happen anyway.
By giving him ultimatums and then not following through on them, you've already demonstrated to him that you don't mean what you say and you won't end the relationship if he doesn't leave his marriage. Are you really so sure he wants to leave the marriage? It could be that is happy with, and enjoys what he has - his marriage and you!
If you're going to give ultimatums then you had better be prepared to accept the outcome and follow through. If not, then don't even give them, because all you're doing is displaying you're own weakness and insecurity.
hi deb8109inphilly and welcome!
girl, you'd better tell MM to "put up or shut up" because he's bounced your emotions around enough already!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
dek, you have to accept the facts as they are -- MM is confused and not leaving his M for you, right now.
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board