Wishing

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wishing
23
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 11:53am

I stood outside late last night watching a meteor shower.  Every time I saw a shooting star, I made the wish that I will get XAP out of my heart for good.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 7:38pm
I would've made the same wish too! In fact I had a heart to heart with God today and asked him to give me the strength to step away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 7:41pm

Now that would have been way more fun, odessa and itstime!  We could have all sipped daquiris on the back porch, watched the stars, and trashed the XAPs.  LOL!  

After I wrote it, I realize this sounds kind of wimpy and passive.  But shooting stars always really did seem like magic to me.  Whenever I would see one and make a wish, it always seemed to come true.  Magic seems so much easier than the hard work and sacrifices it is going to take to really make it happen. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 7:44pm
Why does it sound wimpy and passive? I think it's just. Sometimes we need a little help to boost us up and over the mountain we are trying to climb. There is no shame in asking for a little magic/help along the way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2009
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 4:44pm
I wish when I drive under a bridge when a train is passing (can't remember when I was told that was a time to make a wish).

But, always the contrarian, my most common wish is that my ex-AP would contact me and we could be friends. Yup, I know, contrary to the universal advice that such a thing cannot be, doesn't work, etc., etc., but since I KNOW I will never forget her, and forget us, I wish we could be in contact. I wish I knew she still thought about me, cared for me and missed me, even if we both know, believe and have accepted that we cannot ever be together, I would like to know that those positive thoughts about me and us will always be a part of her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2011
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 5:00pm

I am not too familiar with your story. But I think i remember you two having a very serious A. And I really doubt she has forgotten you! I'm sure she thinks of you often too. Things like that just dont go away easily...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2011
In reply to: janejosie
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 5:03pm

JJ, you could always blow out a dandelion to make wishes. That's what I do, and they are so much easier to come by than a shooting star! Hope the wish comes true

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2009
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 5:54pm
thinking about me? That's odd. But, I'm flattered. I haven't been around too much, so maybe that's why.

I spoke to her very, very briefly in late May. We hadn't spoken in over 2 years (but had occasional e-mail contact, ever diminishing as well). I had a bit of a crisis at work, which triggered some thoughts and I decided she may be able to help me. She took my call - actually called me back - which was nice, but I suspect she thought I was calling about "us," given that I hadn't called in > 2 yrs, at her request mind you. We had made a pact to let one another know if/when the other "was available." When it became clear that wasn't why I was calling, she rather abruptly cut it off. I think her words were, "I can't do this." So I'm not sure what that meant as I pretty quickly said, "oh, ok, thanks for calling me back." I followed up w/ an e-mail thanking her for having called me back.

About 2-3 weeks ago, I e-mailed her - a good 2 1/2 month period of NC - and for the first time ever in our 14 year "relationship," it bounced back. I haven't tried since, although I was having such thoughts today, hence the diversion over to the Boards.

Either she was upset that I wasn't calling her for the reason she may have hoped, or she only took the call as a courtesy (to see what I wanted or needed), but my voice triggered some emotion in her and she had to get off the line.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2009
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 5:56pm
Thank you Small, those are kind words and they help. I'd like to think, and do think actually, that you are right. But I can just as easily get in a place where I think the opposite.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2009
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 9:52am
Yes, I come and go here. I sometimes find it cathartic to come here and "talk," but on the other hand, being away can help me not think about the past as much and try to move on. The fact I occasionally bop back in shows I haven't been able to completely move on.

I just posted over on "After..." that I don't understand how someone can make the choice you state in your last sentence. I find that to be impossible. I cannot have the feelings I had for ex-AP and then just turn them off and say I am never seeing or speaking to that person ever again. It is just so cold and uncaring. I/we/she were anything but that, so how can a person do that to another person they cared for so incredible intensely and, each said, permanently?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2009
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 1:16pm
You may be right Odessa; you are probably right, as she said things to that effect. But given what else she said to me (writing parallel posts over at AYA, under "did xAP and I really love one another," so won't re-write it all here), that response is EXTREMELY SELFISH, and not something I, or anyone else who professed to love someone as much as she proclaimed to me (and I to her), could POSSIBLY do to the other.
I just think when you steal someone's heart, you owe that person something. You might not owe them everything - especially if you were/are married and re-commit to that M, I get that - but you owe that person just about anything short of that, because your words and actions created that other person's feelings, and then agony. I think if you do that (you, ex-AP), you are not the person I thought you were.

Pages