Wishy-washy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Wishy-washy
7
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 11:09am
MM and I got lunch on Fri. It was very nice and fun. Before we parted I asked him what he wanted from me-friendship or something more. In mid June I had told him how I felt about him and he said he felt the same way, but wasn't sure if or how he could have an A. So we continued to spend time together talking daily, a lunch or breakfast here and there. I felt as though we were becoming closer, but wasn't clear on where it was going. We have become better friends for sure and I enjoy that very much, but want more. I told him that again. He told me he wants to be friends for now because he has too much going on in his life. Talk about leaving the door open! He told me that he has almost walked out on his W several times in the past few weeks, but told me it wasn't because of me-I never thought it would be and was surprised he made the comment-not sure what it meant really. I told him I appreciated his honesty and although I was disappointed I would just have to resort to fantasizing about him then :). We spoke later in the afternoon again and he told me he was struggling with things-he had an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. I told him I didn't just want a one night stand that it was him I was interested in, not just the physical stuff. So he asked me if I didn't want to get naked with him and I said yes, but not just one time. Then he asked me how we would do this A and I told him what I thought we could do and he said okay. Before we finished talking, I asked him, "so this isn't done between us yet is it?" and he said, "no it isn't." So basically I am no better off after having this talk than before the talk. He is struggling with all of this and I know what I want. Not sure what to do at this point as I can't force him to move forward. I guess I just need to be his friend and if he comes around, he comes around. Ugh-frustrating!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 11:23am

this is a very troublesome stage in his life.. and he's doing his best to do the right thing with you.. yet, for both of you, i think it's best to keep the friendship going and nothing further for now.. you may get him to where you wish him to be, but then, you may lose him after that.. he needs to make that choice with a clear head, and he's furthest from a clear head as he can be now.. if he's worth that much to you as more than a friend, you'd want to wait for a better time to take things further, i think..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 12:07pm

I agree with Nevereasy and think he's going through some conflicts in his life right now and like the fact that he's being honest with you about them. He's not just trying to jump into bed with you and leave it at that. He's letting you know that he's going through some issues and isn't sure what he wants to do for himself right now. Its better this way then to get involved, have your emotions come into play and then he backs away and destroys your friendship.


When he's ready he'll let you know but until then keep your options open and enjoy the time you do have with him.


Wishing you all the best!

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 4:52pm
Thanks for the feedback. I know the right thing is to just be friends now and enjoy the time we spend together. Maybe one day there will be something more between us, but for now this is where we're at. I realize you can't talk someone into something they don't want to do, but I don't take it personally because it's not about not wanting me, just not being able to have an A because of what he has going on in his life right now. He would rather leave his wife and have an R than have an A with someone, he just doesn't operate that way. I am M and am okay with an A because I don't want to leave my M at this point because of young children. Anyway, wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I am happy we have our friendship and I guess the door is open...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 6:32pm

why are you thinking that much about your ap while he doesn't seem to be sure about you ? Is he the only MM that you can have an affair with ?

Best of luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 9:52am
No he is not the only MM I could have an affair with, he is the only MM I WANT to have an affair with. Big difference. It is what it is right now, a friendship/EA,nothing more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Tue, 08-03-2010 - 11:34pm

Jersey, it's gonna happen. It may be slow going, but the signs are all there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 1:53pm
Thanks for your reply Jane- I was actually waiting on it because you usually have very insightful things to say. I agree that it is/will be slow going. It will probably slow down some next month when he relocates-we won't have our several times daily in person talks. I have been really spoiled in that regard. I guess we'll have to work out a new routine of sorts. The crazy flirting continues and he has been participating a bit more in that. At least I give him a lot to think about. Yes I have thought about the whole friendship thing and that it may get lost in there if things move forward, but this is what I need right now, want right now. Of course I hope we will always be friends, but I'm not sure it that will be possible. Then again, maybe we will be friends and this will just have been something special shared between us-naive I know! :)My only concern is that he not freak out if something happens between us, that is why I refuse to rush it or make the first move because I want him to feel comfortable with what he is doing and be the initiator. I told him I wouldn't make the first move, so he knows it is up to him. Selfish as it may sound,life is about experiencing things and feeling good and I feel I have a right to that and do not have any regrets.