wondering???

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2010
wondering???
1
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 2:05am
I have been married to my husband for almost 15 years now,yes we started out as an affair....i was married with 3 children,he was married with 2. we were friends for years and he played in a band. my question is when everything came to light ( everyone found out) i heard many people saying that i stole him from his wife.....I never understood this as i say 'YOU CAN'T STEAL A MAN FROM A WOMAN,UNLESS HE WANTS TO BE TAKEN" I mean if you husband is happy with you he is not gonna stray:) and if a woman could just have any man she wanted we'd all be with brad pitt...lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: lindabd61
Thu, 04-29-2010 - 8:02am

You're right, in that people are grown-ups making their own decisions. People aren't bought, sold, given, or stolen.

But especially for a BS, it can feel like something was definitely stolen. One of my dearest friends was left by her H of many years for another woman, and she actually feels like her LIFE has been stolen from her. Everything she pictured for her future has been stolen - shared grandchildren, being together for children's future weddings, retirement together in the future - all of it, in her mind, stolen. The thing is, it WAS stolen in a way, by both of them - her H and his OW - not just by the OW. I've also tried to point out that many things in life can be stolen from us - what about people who lose children in unthinkable accidents - all the future you imagined with them is stolen. Your health can suddenly be gone and your healthy future is stolen.

Life is so full of variables, I guess we can never count on anything "for certain" in the future. But losing a spouse to an affair gives someone something to blame. Many things are chance, nothing can be blamed. Losing a spouse this way gives one a definite person to point a finger at, so it will be pointed.

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