Wondering if I can stop myself
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Wondering if I can stop myself
| Mon, 02-23-2009 - 4:21pm |
My husband and I have been together for about 15 years.
| Mon, 02-23-2009 - 4:21pm |
My husband and I have been together for about 15 years.
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wifeinfl,
i don't know if you are still around but i hope these responses have given you some thought.
but frankly, i disagree with diagnosing people from afar based on a few words in black and white.
yes, there is the possibility you are a psychopath - but i doubt you would have enough guilt to come here with your question if that is true. plus after 15 years i would assume your evil nature would have shown itself in other ways - so i think you can dismiss that hypothesis.
i would tend to lean towards the other possibility: that there is something in your M. and i do speak from experience in a similar situation (unlike Fly) where after 20 years in a "Happy Marriage" i was attracted to another man. still am 4 years later.
so after 5 years of therapy - starting before the A - what i have learned is this. my M is not as happy as i thought - it was just the only M i knew and it was better than our parents' and better than our siblings' so it must be great. we don't argue, we enjoy many of the same things, we don't mind doing different things, we are supportive of each other and we had hot sex. but conflict is not allowed and connection is lost so that what on the surface looks like a romantic relationship is really a working relationship - and it gets to the point where he thinks he knows me and never asks what is going on in my head - and stops listening when i tell him. he is less interested in connecting with me than protecting his territory.
and in walks a man from a working relationship - a great working relationship of trust and admiration - who is interested in knowing me. he listens, he is fascinated, he affirms - i do the same - and we connect and build a trust. and yes i thought he was attractive from the start - but lots attractive men cross my path and some even offered me more and i never took it all those years (just like you).
why now? because my emotional confidence was low and my DH had become distant - not to the point of *unhappy* because we were dedicated to the Happy Marriage but to the point of restlessness and disquiet and not getting a response to requests for more. because my physical confidence was high - since the distance from my DH was used to work-out even though he didn't notice. because age is fast approaching and i wonder about the things i missed by being the Good Girl all my life. because MM did something heroic for me and i wondered "what if?"
is he my soul mate? meant to be? no - i don't believe in such things. but i do believe in timing and proximity.
but unlike you, my A is carried out far away from our homes and doesn't touch the time we spend in our non-work lives. yes i realize i have constructed an imaginary boundary that sounds like an excuse for hurting people, and it doesn't matter where the A is carried out. but it does matter if we are talking about pragmatics and logistics and risk. of course my A has risk, but i might think differently about that risk if you are talking about a relationship that is in your own backyard.
in the end i'll say what we always say here: don't do it.
but if all the things we don't see lead to that choice for you, then come back where you won't be judged.
Mrs.
Edited 3/4/2009 12:59 pm ET by mrs.smithandjones
Mrs.!
Hi!
Honestly, your posts read like an 18th century English countryside romance novel.
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