Words of wisdom to make it last.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Words of wisdom to make it last.....
5
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 8:51pm
.....my A is going on 5 years with a MM. I am widowed. We ended it twice but some unexplainable connection snaps us back like a rubberband...and at least once a week we have our scheduled sexcapades :) Always intense, always a body/mind/soul encounter. Weird, eh? Or is it? My question here is this.....The other 6 days I hardly think of him, talk to him, or even wonder about him. Is it possible to actually get comfortable emotionally in an affair? Can 2 people who have never spent the night together, never had a full day together, or spent more than 2 hours together in one episode, still be this connected? His wife is oblivious to it all, as are all the people we work with. I am totally amazed at how a "have to have you now" beginning (first 2 years) has been kept secretive all of these years. Anyway, I just wanted to let those of you out there who need to know the secret of keeping a secret, appreciate the ethereal moments you do have together and try not to push the envelope into the hands of revenge, doubt, questionable behavior or self-pity. Love is unconditional no matter who is involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 8:56pm
Words of wisdom from me:

RESPECT HIM - he deserves it if you think your love is unconditional.

DON ACT LIKE HE DOESN'T MATTER - ie, don't take him for granted.

DON"T LIE TOO MUCH - there are lots of lies in an A already

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 9:07pm
We are surrounded by lies 24/7. People we love, people we hate, and even our precious children who will try to get away with anything they can. If you take everything to heart that someone tells you, you will sink like the Titanic. If you can love someone without explanations, you will dodge that heart-sinking lie that you probably set yourself up for anyway....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 9:39pm
Ready,

I was told I am "fat" by my OM who has not done this just this time. He had done it may times in the past, I found it in my heart to love him without explanations as you saaid, but not anymore. I will take this matter to my heart - its a life long battle with weight for me which you will never understand.

I have been teased bullied and laughed at in my life because I have always been "chubby". It was partly due to medical conditions and partly genetics. Having a long history of verbal abuse from strangers who don;t know my conditions, I refuse to take it anything about my size/weight anything but personal. It was these bullies that booed me when I walked to school. I learned to ignore them, which took away their "power" over me. But i will not tolerate that from a man who i have made so many adjustments ln lfe to meet half way.

Juliet

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 9:48pm
I am so sorry Juliet for your pain. No one should have to take such verbal abuse. You sound very hurt, and you have me thinking that you are rebuking my post solely on the basis that you are suffering. I am trying to reach out to people who are seeking reasons to continue their "A". Sounds to me that you need to switch boards and go to "Ending the affair." Hang in there sweety. If he has only just recently defiled you, then something else is going on. Search your heart a little deeper and try to place a reason for his behavior. Take care.

R2L

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 9:40am
Ready, there is never a good reason to call anybody fat in my opinion. Take it from me if you have never been a little over weight all your life like me. I don't appreciate it at all esp from a man who loves me "unconditionally". Isn't there a "weight condition" in his love???

oh btw about lying - I don't like it either. You might thing its ok to lie, but I don't. Sorry nothing can change that opinion.

As far as going to Ending, its fine. I will do just good here today. Maybe will go there when I feel like. Thanks for your suggestion.