Work with him....and his wife?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
Work with him....and his wife?
9
Fri, 11-28-2008 - 1:23pm

So, I've been a lurker for a while, but here's my story...


I met AP at a local dancehall while he was in town on a conference.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Fri, 11-28-2008 - 1:30pm

"I'm just wondering if I'm crazy to even consider this."

Yes, you are.

If his mother thinks he's running around, there's going to be a reason.. and his wife probably thinks he is too. So don't put yourself in a position where you could end up with no job, no AP and no reputation (or not one you'd want).

Seriously. Keep out of his "real" life. It's so much easier ni the long run.

D

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Fri, 11-28-2008 - 2:56pm
I second not following through on this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Fri, 11-28-2008 - 3:27pm
I am going to have to go for a big fat NO WAY on this one.....work relationships when both parties are single are heinously difficult enough....let alone work affairs, which, as the previous poster mentioned, are still pretty universally frowned upon. And you would be walking head first into it.....NO, NO, and NO. Stay away, stay far far away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Fri, 11-28-2008 - 3:54pm

I think taking this job would be a mistake. Chances are, it will only end, eventually, in disaster and heartache for....YOU. Though I'm sure it's tempting for the reasons you state, the fact that his wife works there is enough to tell yourself "no" and "no way". Sure, it would be great for you to see him all the time. But it won't be just him that you see all the time, it will also be her and THEM. Why in heaven's name he would want to lay himself open to such liability, I have no clue. Maybe he finds the idea of the two of you in the same vicinity titillating. Who knows. But it's just a bad idea.

I also find it a bit odd that his mother suspects he's cheating, but you don't mention that his wife does. How on earth would his mom know, but not his wife? My guess is she does. She just hasn't brought it up to him. If this is the case, you can be sure that she's monitoring him. And if she doesn't, my guess is that she will eventually, especially if you go there to work.

You say that he stays because of his kids. Don't be so sure about that. I have no doubt that it's probably a big reason. But I don't buy for a minute that it's the only one. There are just too many women on here with AP's that sing that tune, only to find out later that they weren't being exactly forthright with how they REALLY feel about their wives. I would even go so far as to say that if there were a handbook for MM on what to tell their APs as to why they can't leave, the number one pat answer would be "the kids". In an affair, the names and faces may be different, but 99.99% of the situations are all the same. Same lines, same excuses, same behavior, same, same, same.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 12:33am

Ugh....I know, I know, I know....this is just so hard!


I hate being apart so much, but I know deep down it would kill me to see her and them together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 1:17am

OK, take it from someone who knows from experience you DO NOT want to work the same place as AP, and the W. My xAP, and I were assigned to the same division, and began our affair. We were both open about it because we had both left our spouses, perhaps that was the biggest 2nd mistake I made. The first was starting the A. Well, I guess somebody thought it would be funny to transfer his W to our division, we are in the same occupation.

OMG did the sh*t hit the fan then. I was constantly insecure. They had to speak sometimes about their assests, and other marriage bulls*ht, but it killed me to see him being so nice to her, even though I KNEW what he had just done to her. Talk about selfish.

Then the rumors started. "Oh did you know that so and so are getting back together?" "Yeah I heard that but I saw him kissing his AP at the 7-11." It was INSANE! Things turned to sh*t pretty quickly. Do yourself a favor don't be greedy w/ his time, I always was. You see him fairly often. Enjoy him then, and white knuckle it the rest of the time. It's for your own good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 1:19am
Aargh!
Carrrrrried...away2
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 1:40am

Well-

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2008
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 4:49pm

I am with others, bad, bad idea.
Good luck with whatever you decide...

(((Hugs)))
Vivacious