Working through our first hiccup

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2012
Working through our first hiccup
3
Tue, 11-06-2012 - 7:13pm

Since not many people are posting here anymore because of the awful new boards I figure since I can, I will. 

Okay... so AP & I were all hot and heavy on each other over the summer but things cooled down a lot after his W had their baby.

At first my assumption was he was just busy with family stuff, then after a few weeks I started to think perhaps he was going to end it between us. (The daily texts became less and less frequent, along with fewer messages of affection... plus he couldn't commit to a time to meet me.) After a month of uncertainty I told him things felt strangely distant and I wanted to know where he stood and where we were going. After all, we went from talking about wanting to be together in real life to barely communicating. That was a confusing pill to swallow on my end.

As soon as I shared those feelings/questions via text he said we needed to talk on the phone. So we did. Then we spent a few hours together over lunch a couple days later. 

Turns out he was just seriously overwhelmed with work + life. He was genuinely apologetic and has made big efforts in the past 2 weeks to talk daily again and we even managed to go on an amazing date night together. I'm less concerned about meeting regularly and don't mind taking a back seat as long as I know where things stand.

I think one of the biggest challenges of trying to turn an A into a real relationship is there are so many times where it's easy to jump to conclusions due to a lack of time together and an inability to communicate consistently. 

The month apart turned out to be a blessing in disguise though - it helped me get my head back on straight. As much as I want to be with AP I want it to happen at the right time and in the best way. While I definitely want our relationship to grow - there's no rush. We're in marriages to good people; we have very young children. If we're meant to be (like we both genuinely believe) then things will fall into place at some point down the road. In the meantime, we'll make as much time as we can for each other and hopefully I'll finally develop some patience and contentment in the process. :)

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Wed, 11-07-2012 - 9:33am

Hopefully the boards get easier soon.

Glad you were able to work it out and talk it through; communication is key as in all relationships.   I am sure with the new baby, life is hectic for him.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2011
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 11:24am

I completely understand your situation.  Life is so hectic after a new baby, it's a huge adjustment.  I feel the same way, I know AP and I will end up together.  It's different for me though cause he has older children (youngest is senior in high school) and his W was horrible, so everyone was happy for him when he left her.  Now he's all for us being together but I need more time.  I know it will happen though.  I just can't rush it.

Our A is still rather new and we're still very hot and very heavy.... I'm worried about what will happen when it cools down.  Just praying he doesn't find anyone else, cause he's single atm.  Ugh!  I hate thinking about it.  Sometimes I wish he would have stayed with his W just a bit longer.  Of course it was extremely hard to meet when they were...now it's whenever I can get away.  So good and bad to each side.

lol, we haven't had a date night, but I have told him a place where I'll be shopping and he'll meet me there and walk around and talk with me and be all sexy and hot...  

It's great that you're feeling better, hopefully things improve from here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2011
Thu, 11-08-2012 - 11:24am

I completely understand your situation.  Life is so hectic after a new baby, it's a huge adjustment.  I feel the same way, I know AP and I will end up together.  It's different for me though cause he has older children (youngest is senior in high school) and his W was horrible, so everyone was happy for him when he left her.  Now he's all for us being together but I need more time.  I know it will happen though.  I just can't rush it.

Our A is still rather new and we're still very hot and very heavy.... I'm worried about what will happen when it cools down.  Just praying he doesn't find anyone else, cause he's single atm.  Ugh!  I hate thinking about it.  Sometimes I wish he would have stayed with his W just a bit longer.  Of course it was extremely hard to meet when they were...now it's whenever I can get away.  So good and bad to each side.

lol, we haven't had a date night, but I have told him a place where I'll be shopping and he'll meet me there and walk around and talk with me and be all sexy and hot...  

It's great that you're feeling better, hopefully things improve from here.