Worried?? :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2008
Worried?? :-(
8
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 1:46pm

I have been no contact with AP for 5 days now....he garenteed me that he would have roughly two opprtunities a day to contact me nd he hasn't atoll as of yet?

Before he went he and his W were having heated discussions regarding the Vol work I do for them (W was the one with the problem regarding me)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 2:31pm

I know it´s not easy to get a "quiet moment" (AP´s expression) to call if one´s on vacation with an SO. I brought my laptop on my vacation and I really had problems finding time/place alone.

But he promised you... and not keeping promises is a dealbreaker. I wouldn´t read much into it though. It´s only five days, there might be a good explanation. Don´t jump to conclusions until you´ve talked to him !

My AP is in his second week of vacation. Not one single word - total NC - since Friday 8th - that´s 10 days. We agreed on total NC. In the last e-mail he sent me he said: "In the three weeks I shall be away I'm sure I will find a computer and for sure I can find a quiet moment to phone". I told him not to make promises he wasn´t 100 % sure he could keep, as I would turn into a jelly-ish mess waiting for calls or e-mails. So he didn´t make any promises. IF he find the time, it´s a welcome bonus. The first few days of the first week were absolutely horrible and I hit rock bottom with a big bang. I can´t remember feeling that bad before. But now I´m OK. And even if he tried to call me I wouldn´t be able to answer. My cell was stolen in a break in on Sunday...

Sory I couldn´t help you more, but I honestly think you should relax about it - until you´ve talked to him !


Edwina
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2008
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 3:19pm
Thank you Goddess....I know your right...and yes the first week is a nightmare...ive tried to fill my time....but I dont know something in my gut tells me his marriage isnt as good as he makes out...

Its hard as I want to be there for him but cant at present....I know he will try but seeming as he promised if he doesnt, I will have doubts at the back of my mind...how would you personnally try to get rid of those?

LT xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2008
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 4:28pm

do you have another phone number for you AP? do you ask your AP where his going on hols?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 3:51pm

I have my AP´s cell phone number, his worknumber, his fax, work e-mail, offical home e-mail, UNofficial home e-mail, OUR e-mail(s)... As for his home phone, he asked me if I wanted it, but I declined. I´ll never call him at home anyway.

And we talk a lot, also about vacation. He always tells me that he doesn´t always know what I want to know, but that if I wonder I can ask. He will tell me everything and want/need to know. So I know he´s on vacation in Europe (France and Spain) with his W and kids. For 3 weeks. I don´t need to know where he is every day. So I don´t ask !


Edwina
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2008
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 5:36pm

thanks for that...yeah I have a lot of his contact details esp with vol work and I have the phone number but it is exremely rare occasions that i contact him at home and it is only ever for work reasons.

Well tonight he sent me a txt...must have got a few secs away from W LMAO...

What was so nice about it was that he took notice of two things that i asked him to do

1. if he doesn't want me to reply (ie sticky sit for him) then write dont reply at end of message - he did!

2. I have asked him so many times to feel free to do some photography for the company and he finally has!

but the thing that touched me the most was he sent some pics of fungus which he knows I am interested in as a hobby - so it showed that he was being thoughtful and considerate towards me and doing all he could to contact me when he could!


Like you and a few others have pointed out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 9:41pm
Promises can be hard to keep. Ae you sure he "promised" ? I can tell you from experience that if you keep pushing him to contact you this many times and stuff like that, that you will drive him away.Turn the tables and ignore him for awhile. This really works. Leave him alone on his trip. You have to find ways not to be so needy; guys hate it.Get involved in some activities that don't involve him.Come here and vent.Email some of us offboard and ask how we did it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2008
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 3:48am
Thank you for that Oldlove2006. I know it is hard not to be needy...I surpose thats the nature of the beast with being in a A.

Its hard also not to be needy because I have been there a lot of the times when shes there (the W) and she contacts him loads (needy) and so I surpose I have come to think that I must do the same!

Thing is seeming as i am doing Vol work for him which counts as work exp for me there are times when i have to contact him for business purposes. We operate a policy not to mix work with pleasure as it just does not work so if we want to talk to each other personally thats a seperate call.

I am trying to remind myself that he is probably in the affair with me because of my independance, confidence and self will, his W is not these things...but she does have a really meek voice and I certainly do not?

I know you are right with the pursueing thing because he pulled away for two days before but then came back to tell me he loves me?

I have left him alone so far on this hol but he did txt me some pics of some fungus he found on hols and that
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 12:22pm
Sure; email me through my profile.