Worth the rollercoaster ride?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Worth the rollercoaster ride?
12
Tue, 02-17-2009 - 9:58pm

So happy to find this board - my first post. I trying to cope with the emotions of a 5 months affair and finding it very difficult but at the same time exhilirating - the rollercoaster ride. Some background (sorry long)


Married for 7 years and our relationship is almost non-existant for the last few. I knew when I got married that he was a non affection person and very much into himself but I loved him at the time and did everything for him. He's not around much, we have a beautiful daughter and I feel like I live as a single woman doing everything. I have stopped trying and just absorbed myself into raising my little girl and working on being a better me - losing weight, building confidence.


In Oct. I was out with friends at a dance club (rare night out for me) when I ran into a old friend from the past. About 15 years ago, we hung out almost every weekend as a group had tons of fun but never any attraction for him. I found

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2009
Thu, 02-19-2009 - 11:19pm

Thanks so much LL2008 for telling me about your situation and caring to write. Wow, I can totally see the similarities and your long term perspective made me realize even more how desperately I have to get out.


It was amazing on Valentines Day how I was in tears for most of the day, feeling unloved by my H, wanting so badly for my AP to contact me and he did. When I saw his name in my inbox, I couldn't believe the mood change and how high I was feeling when I read his flattering message. It was scary to me how that one little message affected me so greatly. Then look at me less then a week later, nothing from him and I am at the end of my rope, depressed, crying, analysing, wondering. Its so terribly unhealthy. I want my happy self back. My job is suffering, my

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 1:54pm

Kelugirl,

I sooooo know that feeling of being cared about. Your marriage sounds like mine. I have begged my H to do counseling and he won't. He is just not there for me at all. I have been super lonely for the past several years and when my AP came along, he gave me all of that.

I have read a million posts on these boards and know that having an A is not the answer. I think in my case I am scared to face the music of my bad marriage beacuse our daughter is small. So I have carried on and on with AP, even tho he has told me he brings his W coffee in bed, he buys her wonderful gifts, and basically does everything she asks. And really his only complaint about her is that she isn't sexual at all! That should be a huge red flag in my face that HELLO, he wants me to fill that void in his marriage.

It sounds like you have thought through his short-comings and you realize that he was keeping his SO and child a secret. Gosh, that is so odd, but I am thinking he wanted to "act" like a single man.

Is there a way to strengthen your marriage? Is your H willing to work harder? You mentioned that you think he notices your changed behavior. I have spent so much time hiding in my own home--to cover my tears and secretly check my phone a zillion times. I feel horrible about that.

Wishing you well.....keep posting and updating and getting your feelings out.

hugs, LL2008

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