Would You?
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| Sat, 05-08-2004 - 4:26pm |
It's been awhile since I posted. I tried to call it off a couple times but we just end up back together. He's a hard one to walk away from. Here's my latest dillema...and I'd like to hear what you would do!
So, here's a quick run down on my story. MM and I got together one night after a work party (we work together) and it started off meeting up every now and then after parties. It's progressed into a full blow A and has been going on for over a year. He's never said outright that he'd leave his W, but he's also made subtle hints that there's a chance we could have a future together. I don't ask. We worked together on a project which brought us closer together. The project ended in January, so our meetings have tapered back a bit and we soemtimes meet twice a month, sometimes more. The longest we've gone without seeing each other is 3 weeks and we were both going nuts.
Recently, I've been looking for a new position within the company because I'm bored with the current one. He said he needed an assistant. I started 3years ago with the company as an assistant, but have since moved into a different role. He mentioned it a couple times to me and I always blew it off.. never considered it. I said we'd get in trouble. The last time he mentioned it, he said it seems like most exec's end up marrying their assistants. I just laughed it off. Not sure what he was implying there, but I didn't take him seriously.
Here's my dillema! I'm actually contemplating it! Call me crazy, but I AM ACTUALLY CONTEMPLATING IT! It would be a step back in my career, but it would really give us a good chance to really really get to know each other and it would either 1) bring us closer or 2) make us both realize that it could never be and we could finally end it once and for all. My rationalization is that the less stressful position would afford me an opportunity to go to grad school -- but I know I would only be doing it to be closer to him.
I am in love with this man. We haven't said the "L" words yet, but I feel it coming. We've never stayed the night together, but he said the other day that he'd like to. I didn't initiate anything and I didn't really offer much of a response to his comment. The last time I asked him if he ever thinks we could he just laughed it off and said I'd give him a heart-attack and he'd be carried off by the coroner :). I said yeah, that's why we'd have to stay somewhere besides my house! So as you can see, we're both trying to say/initiate things, but both aren't taking each other seriously.
What the heck would you do?????

I think my MM is the most wonderful thing, and he has treated me better in the three short months than my husband has in almost 20 years of marriage. But any decisions I make about my life I will always make based on what's best for me (and my children). I handed over a lot of my power and career, as well as life choices, to my husband thinking it was best for us. That was my BIGGEST mistake...not putting myself first when it came to life choices.
Good luck on whatever you decide. :)