Would you leave if given the chance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Would you leave if given the chance?
24
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 12:39pm
Just wondering how many of you would leave your marriage, if the other person was willing to embrace the relationship on a full time basis?

I feel like I may be the only one!!! =-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 12:07pm
I've been there lost. My W didn't find out, but when I realized that my M didn't have the type of connection and bond that it needed, I did confess. My intention was to leave right away, but I too have children to consider and I realized I owed her the opportunity to try to work on our issues. So reluctantly I entered counseling with her. It was the best decision I could have made. Going in I had no idea which way things would turn out. But once I started the counseling, it seemed clear to me that the problems I was aware of were very real and a sign of a serious problem in our M. It kind of shocked me that the counselor didn't dispute my feelings. I somewhat expected to be bombarded. But instead she told me she admired the personal growth I had gone through recently which led me to discover these issues. In any event, between the counseling and the book "Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay", I made a decision. I decided my M wasn't ever going to be the type of relationship I wanted and deserved and so I am leaving. I move out a week from today. It is terrifying in some ways, but liberating also. I tell my son today so that is the scariest part. But I have the confidence and strength that comes from knowing I made the right choice for the right reasons. I guess you can't ask for much more than that.

I wish you luck whichever path you choose. Regardless, I would highly recommend counseling as I think it is the only way to make a clear choice. And above all, take care of yourself and your children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 12:21pm
lostvoyage - i just wanted to say that i can relate to what you are going through. my mm is going through something very similar at the moment. his w found out about our long distance emotional a and then a couple months later found out we were still talking. that was the final straw as they are apparently separating and are heading towards getting a d. i haven't been able to talk to mm much, but i do know he is suffering terribly. he loves his kids and i know the idea of not seeing them every day is killing him. but at the same time, his m was in bad shape already. i'm hopeful that in the end it will all work out for the best. as for me, i am still m. my h has been more than understanding considering what mm's w has put us through lately. but nothing changes the fact that mm and i love each other dearly.

as to the original question on this thread - i don't know if i'd leave my m or not. it is far from perfect, but there are some good things about it. and i feel that leaving specifically FOR my mm (as opposed to leaving because the m is truly dead) would be the wrong thing to do. that being said, i'm pretty certain mm and i could have a wonderful life together. if mm does get a d then i suppose this choice will become more than just hypothetical.

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 12:35pm
I have read all of the responses, i do believe i would leave my H if i had the chance and not only to be with my OM but to also find myself. I know at this stage of my life i do not want to run into another M. I have 2 kids living at home and don't want to upset their lives as of yet. I take each day and try to live it to it's fullest potential.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 9:16pm
I would rather leave my marriage on a postive note and i am also going thru a emotional rollercoaster myself and would persude my lover when i'm single and when he single.

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