Would you put up with this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Would you put up with this?
25
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 12:38pm
Some of you may know my story. I'm married, om is single. He hasn't been in much contact with me since our first ic a few months ago. Kind of ran since he was getting attached, or so he said. I thought he had changed his user name because I never saw him on-line, but the last few weeks he was back on-line. I resisted for so long, but then finally im'd him last week. We talked for a long while, it got a little sexy, it was great. Then he was on-line again over the weekend. We talked for a long while again, had some deep conversations, got a little sexy again. He wanted me to come over but my H was home. He had told me that could never happen again after we had ic, so I was a little surprised. Anyway, he was slow with his responses and I asked what was up. He said he was in a chat room and also im a guy friend. So I said well I'll let you go, but he kept saying no don't go. I said I would be back I wanted to get my pjs on and get some tea. He said you just want to go suck off your H or something. I said lol, he was sleeping and said brb. I was gone for about 15 minutes and when I came back he was like a different person. He started interrogating me about why I knew so much about his guy friend he was chatting to. He's sort of famous and I said I just knew of him, I don't know him. He said I don't buy it, why do you know so much of his connection to me (I hadn't even said anything about this). I said you just told me a few minutes ago you were iming this guy and told me how you were connected. So then he just says I have to go and I said just like that, what the f is this about. He said bye "my user name", not my real name, have a nice evening. I said this could have been so much more fun and then he slammed the door. So I called his cell the next day and left a voicemail. He didn't call back. I think he may be out of town now for a while, but I did send an e-mail asking what the hell. Who know if I'll get a reply. What could this be about? Now I'm kind of hooked again because I know he wants to hook up. I'm so frustrated I could just scream at the top of my lungs. And of course hide the feelings from H and no one to talk with. I'm trying to just go with the positive...hey he did im me and that was fun, but it ended so weird. I mean I can't figure this out. Any perspectives on this one? Also, would you be offended if your other was chatting with others while they im you, or in a chat room, or is that really no big deal? Thanks all, C

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 12:57pm

hey cowboy -- well, your OM got jealous i think.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 1:04pm
Maybe he is on Prozac LOL LOL

I wouldn't put up with this ,unless he explains himself with an apology for his weird and rude behavior .

no need to be offended if he is chatting with other people while chatting with you . That's what people do . I personally don't like to chat with more then one at a time .

I like to give my full attention to the person I do chat with ....but that is me .

Just as if I am on the phone I am not talking to 3 or more people at a time .

But when your online and someone pops on and sees your online and sends a message maybe that person feels it is rude not to answer ....and before you know it now he is talking to 3 people .

Reading some stories here and thinking of my MM I am starting to think ......... you can't figure men out !! so don't even try . You know what, men can't even figure themselves out ;-)

A married friend of mine had an A with this lady . She was really falling for him . He felt he too was getting close , but didn't want that because he would never leave his wife . So he broke it off with his OW . She was heartbroken , tried to get him back , but he didn't want her anymore . Now she has moved on found another man ........now he wants her back . So I asked him, what is up ? Why can't you make up your mind what it is you want . He didn't know .......now that he can't have her , he wants her ...........go figure , Men !!

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 1:41pm
Wow.. kind of a strange, overblown reaction to an innocent comment. Who knows? Maybe he's feeling spooked and guilty and instead of just saying he realized he was making a mistake, he was looking for an excuse to shut it down before it started. And they say we are the confusing gender? Whats up with that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 1:41pm
Viperdiva and Gurl,

Viper, I know your prozac line was a joke, but seriously what would that do? I know nothing about it, but at one time I thought he may have been on some kind of anti-depressant, but I didn't know for sure. He said he had ADD. He had been drinking while we were chatting, I know that. I'm with you on the chatting thing, it's hard when others pop on and I like to give full attention. But he was in a chat room too. That bothered me a little.

Gurl, I hear you on this one. It seems I am always giving space, man I give him so much space he really is on Mars and I'm on Venus (lol). I don't know what is wrong with me that I would have given anything to go over to his house and my dear H was asleep upstairs. It's tearing me apart. OM is mean to me for lack of a better word. He makes fun of me alot. Can that be part of jealousy? He is also so concerned that my H doesn't like him (they know each other). OM did act a little jealous when we were chatting, he said did you throw that number away that the guy gave you. I said I did and he said sure you did. So I said really I did, I wasn't interested and he said well you were when you originally didn't throw it away. He said you are always looking to f. Man he gives mixed signals. If he really is so jealous and attached how can he go so long without speaking to me or seeing me. Then when he does I get a hard time. It's always on im though. When we are one on one it's great. I'm trying to get him to meet with me so we can talk, but I always get, when I get back in town and then he's gone again. I did get a hold of him briefly on his cell last night but he couldn't talk. He said is something wrong and I said I just wanted to talk about last night. He said nothing was wrong with last night with me, what problem is it with you. I just said I don't know and he said, look, gotta go and I said bye. So I hope I didn't screw things up getting weirded out by his weird behavior.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 1:44pm
which is exactly why we play hard-to-get and other games... sheesh! Then they get mad because we're playing games... hee hee. Around and round it goes -- where it stops nobody knows.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 2:03pm
Pretty simple actually.

He thinks you fool around, because you do. I am truly not trying to insult you, honest. But think about it, you are a married woman who had ic with him. He may think you do this all the time.

Keep in mind when you are in an affair, things are not honorable. If you are not the kind of person that does this often, and you truly have feelings for him, he is all wrong. If you are just having casual sex, he may always be suspicious of you since that is the foundation for which he met you.

Just how I see it from the outside.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 2:07pm

i don't know, cowboy, exactly what is going on here, but from your description, i wouldn't put up with his condesending, mean behavior!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 2:18pm
Hi Srose, I told him from the get go that I had only ever been with my H, but maybe he doesn't believe me. He hates that "guys fall all over me" as he puts it and says he is not that way and that is why I like him. He says I just eat that sh** up. Maybe he feels that there is no way I turn them all down. But they don't approach me (except the one guy that gave me his number that I talked about). OM was the first that ever flirted and approached me. Maybe he does have a problem with me since I am married and had ic (once and very briefly), but he knew I was married and would never leave my H from the start.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 4:20pm
He is single, sounds like he's jealous of you being with your H. And that little comment about the bj. He's acting like a sulking child. Maybe he does need some space, and maybe he's thinking about the fact that you're not really "available". Sorry to say, but maybe its not the right thing for you? I really think its not a good situation for singles to be in, emotionally and physically involved with someone they probably don't have a real chance with. And it seems like he's taking out his feelings on you.

Give it some time, maybe he'll lighten up and you'll hear from him again!!

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 5:11pm
Hi Cowboy,

It was a joke but I also did semi mean it ......and I knew he was drinking too .

When you take Prozac or any other anti depressant you become very moody when you don't take it .

See what happens is while on the drug , you feel all is good , then you think you don't need it and then you don't take it , now you become impossible to deal with . Moody , arrogant basically a B***ch .

If you take the drug and add alcohol to it , that is a bad mix . Like you know how some people can be mean drunks , well this is even worst .

and most of the time the next day they don't even remember what they did or said ( if they drank a lot )

Yeah I know a lot about this stuff , no I am not on Prozac , I just know many people who are on it and I see how they behave .

The way you described his behavior , sounded like he was on something .............or maybe he is just a mean drunk .

If he is , doesn't mean you have to put up with it . It is no excuse . Unfortunately in the US , anti depressants are given out to lightly .

Instead of teaching people how to deal with their problems , they just suppress them . Well that doesn't do much good and now that person will have to be on Prozac for the rest of their life .....and it really sucks to have to deal with someone who is in the roller coaster mood . I couldn't put up with it .

xoxo ViperDiva

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