Would you put up with this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Would you put up with this?
25
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 12:38pm
Some of you may know my story. I'm married, om is single. He hasn't been in much contact with me since our first ic a few months ago. Kind of ran since he was getting attached, or so he said. I thought he had changed his user name because I never saw him on-line, but the last few weeks he was back on-line. I resisted for so long, but then finally im'd him last week. We talked for a long while, it got a little sexy, it was great. Then he was on-line again over the weekend. We talked for a long while again, had some deep conversations, got a little sexy again. He wanted me to come over but my H was home. He had told me that could never happen again after we had ic, so I was a little surprised. Anyway, he was slow with his responses and I asked what was up. He said he was in a chat room and also im a guy friend. So I said well I'll let you go, but he kept saying no don't go. I said I would be back I wanted to get my pjs on and get some tea. He said you just want to go suck off your H or something. I said lol, he was sleeping and said brb. I was gone for about 15 minutes and when I came back he was like a different person. He started interrogating me about why I knew so much about his guy friend he was chatting to. He's sort of famous and I said I just knew of him, I don't know him. He said I don't buy it, why do you know so much of his connection to me (I hadn't even said anything about this). I said you just told me a few minutes ago you were iming this guy and told me how you were connected. So then he just says I have to go and I said just like that, what the f is this about. He said bye "my user name", not my real name, have a nice evening. I said this could have been so much more fun and then he slammed the door. So I called his cell the next day and left a voicemail. He didn't call back. I think he may be out of town now for a while, but I did send an e-mail asking what the hell. Who know if I'll get a reply. What could this be about? Now I'm kind of hooked again because I know he wants to hook up. I'm so frustrated I could just scream at the top of my lungs. And of course hide the feelings from H and no one to talk with. I'm trying to just go with the positive...hey he did im me and that was fun, but it ended so weird. I mean I can't figure this out. Any perspectives on this one? Also, would you be offended if your other was chatting with others while they im you, or in a chat room, or is that really no big deal? Thanks all, C
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 7:39pm
Thanks viper for your response. I wonder if it effects a man's sexual performance and/or libido too. He seems to have a problem with both of those at times, and than other times not at all. He says he jerks off a lot. He definately is a confusing individual and he drinks alot. I'm just freaked at how he changed in those 15 minutes I was gone. He had been not wanting me to go, had never been like that before, and asked me where I was going. He never said that before either. Now I wish I wouldn't have left, but I really needed to check that my H was still asleep and wouldn't walk in. This last episode is starting to ruin it for me and I feel sad for what I am losing. This all started a year ago and I've been thinking back how great it was last year at this time. But it's been a roller coaster since May. I have not seen him in person since we had ic in November. This is so weird for me. I hope he answers my e-mail. Thanks again, C
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 8:12pm
Yes it will affect sexual performance and libido . As also excessive drinking will too .

At times that he doesn't have a problem maybe he isn't taking the drug . It has nothing to do with jerking off .....unless he did it an hour before he saw you .......I doubt that ;-)


You don't have to wish you haven't left . You had to leave and I don't think it is a such a big deal , so you left for 15 minutes .......if he can't handle it that is his problem not yours !! But his behavior shows typical for someone on some type of drug .


You shouldn't feel sad . What are you loosing here ? A man who drinks and maybe is on Prozac or maybe another drug ???? You are holding on to the good memories of how things used to be and that is why you think you are losing something here . But in reality he has changed . Looks like he was "straight" when you first met so everything was perfect .

Now he is on meds and alcohol .....trust me when I tell you you don't want to be with a man like that . Unless you enjoy living like on a roller coaster .Sometimes it will be great , and sometimes bad .

He will probably sooner or later email you back but looks to me you have bigger problems then that to worry about . If he does answer , I do suggest you try to find out if he is doing more then just drinking . Good luck .

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 8:55am
Many people used to talk that they thought he had some kind of drug problem. He would get so mad about that and say he had never done a drug in his life, how could he have a job like his, blah, blah, almost like he protested too much. He was so much better in the beginning. It changed once we became physical and then he lost his job shortly after that so it changed big time. He had seemed so much better lately though since getting a new job. He was so nice on im a couple times last week, very friendly and sexy. It just has me so puzzled. Still no answer to my e-mail, although I do believe he was travelling yesterday. It sucks to be treated like this. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 10:37am
Hi, I just have to put my 2 cents in. When we 1st got computer, H was on it all the time, as he was drinking all night long too. Was chatting endlessly with women on there. It was really upsetting me alot, they would chat all night long, he was saying he was single. He said it was a game". Then he would pass out at the computer desk. I would see their stupid messages. Saying "oh XXX, where are you? Why aren't you answering me". Well, he was passed out!! Sometimes I would get on there and answer them back (I was a b*tch). Anyways, it sounds like there is a good possibility he is on something while talking to you. I know mine would get really drunk and talk on there and say all kinds of things.
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 11:23am
The one thing I was thinking though is his typing was not effected at all. He was typing complete sentences with just the normal typos. It made sense although it was strange. When it got weird he was replying right away too. I was thinking if he got mad when I left why didn't he just get off line or block me. I was kind of surprised he was still there and thought, wow, he really wants to chat tonight. Another thing I was thinking, when we are together, he goes to the bathroom alot, like every 1/2 hour or so. Now usually he is drinking beer, but who knows. Dusty, thanks for your input and I'm sorry your H was like that. C
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 7:51pm
If many people talked about him being on drugs ....well maybe there is something to it .

I know many people who are on drugs and they have jobs and they function very well .

Look how many actors with drug and alcohol problems , but they still work .

I once had a roommate who was a waiter . He was on Crystal Meth .... I never knew . What finally gave it away to me was when he would come home in the morning and keep his sunglasses on while talking to me in the house . I just thought that was weird .

So I confronted him and he admitted he had a problem .

Why did he lose his job ? and if that is when he changed maybe depression led to drugs either that are legal or illegal drugs . Like I said people on drugs are very moody so at times they will be nice at others they won't . Nothing to be puzzled about .

Yes it sucks to be treated like that . Because you can't understand where it is coming from. You feel you did nothing wrong , but he will know how to make you feel bad like it is your fault . Please don't feel this way . It is him it isn't you . Seems to me he has bigger issues then he is willing to admit to . Just something maybe you should be on the lookout for . Keep us posted if he contacts you and what happened .


Edited 2/10/2004 7:52:06 PM ET by viperdiva

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 8:04pm

Dusty, C and viper,


Why do you want to analyze a man who obviuosly has problems in so much detail????? I think we all are adults that understand meds, alcohol and drugs don't mix.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 8:25pm
C was asking how drugs affect people , so maybe she doesn't know .Not every one knows .

I am not trying to convince her to stay away from the guy ...... I am just advising her to look for the signs and put two and two together .

xoxo ViperDiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 8:45pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 9:48pm
and how do you know who is an expert on what ?? ;-)

xoxo ViperDiva