would you tell your MM that.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
would you tell your MM that.........
7
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 1:01pm
you and H are getting seperated and/or divorced? My MM and I don't have a relationship where we talk about such issues about our lives and our spouses. We don't even talk about much of anything, how we feel! Just maybe small talk! We pretty much just have a sex relationship maybe a little more, like friends, but that's about all.. Seems like he cares about me sometimes though..

My H is getting more serious about getting separated! I knew it was gonna happen eventually, but I wanted to next year where we didn't have to pay for preschool anymore, but H can't live like this, and neither can I.

I don't want to push MM away from me. I think he's secure in knowing that I'm married and nothing can happen between us. I don't want him to think I"m an emotional nut either trying to look for sympathy! I don't know what it'll do to us if I told him! Also, I don't know if I should cuz I don't want to get closer to him like that and him knowing my personal life is gonna make me feel closer to him. Maybe he wouldn't feel the same, but I would..

Help!


Edited 5/27/2004 1:07 pm ET ET by chrissluver

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 2:33pm
chrisluver,

I was all ready to say that you might just tell him until I read that you don't necessarily want to get closer to him.

If this is the case, I guess I don't understand why you'd even consider telling him. If the two of you don't want to be closer (and it doesn't sound like you do) then what does it matter?

Just curious. Sounds like you have it the way you want it. Maybe at some point when you start changing residences or it starts getting harder to meet with MM, just casually mention that you've moved out/H has moved out or whatever. But until then, if sex is what you both want, and sex is what your both getting... sheesh, why mess with it?

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 3:07pm
Not that this really relates but I never told my MM that H knows about us. I figured if I did, that would scare MM away. And I was not ready to 'lose' MM.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 3:55pm
I agree with you rain.. thanks for putting some sence into my head. I'm not gonna tell him.. I just wanted other people opionions on weather to tell him. and have him make the judgement on weather or not to keep seeing me..

chris

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 3:57pm
Chrisluver,

Why do you want to leave when all you want is a roll on the hay on the side?? You and MM seem to be happy with your arrangement, why mess it up?? Yeah, there might be a chance you might scare him away. why risk it? Be safe and be happy.

madhouseinhere

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 3:57pm
thanks vles.. yeah it kinda does relate in it's own way..lol.. I'm not ready to lose my mm yet.. Don't know how much I can handle under a divorce though.. we'll see..

Thanks..

Chris

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 4:01pm
thanks for your opionion madhouse.. I don't want to mess it up.. I'm not gonna tell him right now anyway.. When I can't deal with things anymore then it will be time to move on and not see each other.. Or maybe things will stay how they are, unless I meet someone else LONG after the divorce, after all I'm only 28, not dead right..lol right now I'm still gonna have fun:)!!! Like tonight for instance.. Can't wait to see MM..


Chris..

Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 5:54pm
Chris,

This is just my opinion so take what you want...and leave the rest behind.

From this post it seems that you have your MM where you want, so you wouldn't tell him about your pending divorce. Especially if your just having sex with him. However, from reading all your other posts it seems to me that you have a much deeper attachment to him than "just casual sex" on your part. I think you need to re-evaluate what your MM means to you and be honest with yourself.

I see a huge bond that you have for him, and he has for you, as you've stated. If that is the case then you need to be open and honest about this divorce. Go from there... We're here for you dear.

jen