Would you trust your new spouse?
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| Thu, 05-06-2004 - 11:02am |
If you end up getting married to the OW/OM would you be able to trust them in the future following situations (these would be the same situations under which you met them)
1)If you met them online:
Would you trust your spouse while they work and (lets say) have Yahoo Messenger or MSN running on their computer or just even have it installed on their PCs or when you are in bed late at night and you notice your spouse working late hours on the computer or they being on the PC other times for reasons not told to you?
2)If you met them at work:
Would you trust your spouse if there is this good looking colleague at your spouse’s workplace and they take lunches together in groups or alone or if they go on an out of town trip together or if they just plain work together with you having no info about any other extracurricular activity?
3)If you met in a social circle with you being friends with the spouse and their ex:
Would you trust your spouse if you are friends (as a couple) with another couple where the man or woman (depending upon whatever gender your spouse is) is very attractive and maybe flirtatious? Would you trust leaving your spouse alone with such a person while you lets say fetch something from the market? Or lets say if you were your spouse's ex's best friend would you trust your spouse with your attractive best friends?
4)If you guys used to have your cell phones shut off when you still were with your exes and would meet:
Would you trust your spouse when you call their cell and its turned off for a few hours?
Under normal circumstances where none of the spouses have cheated, none of these situations should be threatening or suspicious to any of them but I am wondering what happens when two or one person have cheated and get married. These were some of the scenarios I could think of but the main point is would you be able to trust your new spouse with him/her being in the same situation as the one in which you met them?
Just something to think about.
PG
Edited to change the question to just something to think about.
Edited 5/6/2004 11:07 am ET ET by phillygirl69

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But the central point to all of this is that loving someone is a leap of faith in all cases. If you can't trust the person you plan to be with, you either need to reevaluate things or move on. And if you can't trust anyone, then I think you need to look inside to figure out why.
Edited 5/6/2004 12:27 pm ET ET by omahamm
So I would trust that he wouldn't hurt me purposely and I would trust that he would keep me safe, but I wouldn't expect him to remain monogamous.
Plus, if i ever left my current marriage, I'd never get into another one. Not even with MM.
KC
Of course at this point I don't believe I will ever have that chance, so it is easier said then done!
deedee
It doesn't make what I was doing right, but if he is willing to cheat right now, when he supposedly loves his wife very much, what makes me think it would be any different if he were with me? He says its just for sex, but still, is that enough of a draw for it to be the ONLY reason you are cheating.
Dusty
I thought with my current hubby, I could be in bed and H could be on the computer and I NEVER ever wonder what he is up to. I could not think in the same way about MM even though the relationship was never consummated so the trust factor would be greater and mostly no lies were spoken but what about people where lies were spoken and nothing held them back from going all the way.
Trying to imagine a realistic life with the OP does sometimes do wonders if one is stuck in the confusion state.
PG
Sure I'd trust her. We've both cheated on spouses/SO's in the past, we've both been faithful. Depends on the circumstances. Those were different relationships. And I honestly think because we know how both of us have behaved in the past and because our R is so much about giving to each other and the way we communicate, if one of us saw the other one spending a lot of time online without the other we'd assume that there was a problem we needed to address together -- and that problem isn't the other person's online time, it's whatever they're missing that causes them to seek attention elsewhere.
I know we're still a long way from married or anything else, but in the last month we've really found out a lot about each other in terms of communicating. We're just so open about things... if she feels like she isn't getting time with me, she says so and I either address it or I will have to accept the consequences of not.
I guess we both have had enough failed Rs at this point that we've both put our hearts into that we know it will require work between us even if we are very compatible. But we're willing to do that work with no sulking or hiding when things aren't quite right.
Cheating isn't the disease, it's a symptom and we both know it. Regular checkups and a healthy "diet" (along with periods of physical exercise, wink, wink) prevent disease. And my little goddess and I both know that.
rain
Hi phillygirl,
Yes... I would trust MM competely! I met him online at a time when things were quite low for both of us... we both were only really looking for people to talk to.
MM tells me almost everything... I know who he chats to and where he gets around online... he even invited me along to one of the places that he goes... and I love the fact that he could share this place with me.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
you just brought up - such as cell phones being on or off...
stuff about being home at a certain time (before dark LOL)
I dont think I would have a problem trusting MM or MM trusting me
the dynamics of what our relationship was/is is based more on the fact that
we cheated on our spouses -
If that makes sense -
K
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