Would you trust your new spouse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Would you trust your new spouse?
11
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 11:02am
Folks!

If you end up getting married to the OW/OM would you be able to trust them in the future following situations (these would be the same situations under which you met them)

1)If you met them online:

Would you trust your spouse while they work and (lets say) have Yahoo Messenger or MSN running on their computer or just even have it installed on their PCs or when you are in bed late at night and you notice your spouse working late hours on the computer or they being on the PC other times for reasons not told to you?

2)If you met them at work:

Would you trust your spouse if there is this good looking colleague at your spouse’s workplace and they take lunches together in groups or alone or if they go on an out of town trip together or if they just plain work together with you having no info about any other extracurricular activity?

3)If you met in a social circle with you being friends with the spouse and their ex:

Would you trust your spouse if you are friends (as a couple) with another couple where the man or woman (depending upon whatever gender your spouse is) is very attractive and maybe flirtatious? Would you trust leaving your spouse alone with such a person while you lets say fetch something from the market? Or lets say if you were your spouse's ex's best friend would you trust your spouse with your attractive best friends?

4)If you guys used to have your cell phones shut off when you still were with your exes and would meet:

Would you trust your spouse when you call their cell and its turned off for a few hours?

Under normal circumstances where none of the spouses have cheated, none of these situations should be threatening or suspicious to any of them but I am wondering what happens when two or one person have cheated and get married. These were some of the scenarios I could think of but the main point is would you be able to trust your new spouse with him/her being in the same situation as the one in which you met them?

Just something to think about.

PG

Edited to change the question to just something to think about.


Edited 5/6/2004 11:07 am ET ET by phillygirl69

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 1:20pm
Since I was recently confronted with this very question, gotta say, yes, I would trust him. The background of that is, I recently confessed my affair to dh fulling expecting us to separate and consequently divorce. He (dh) REALLY wants me to stay and work things through with counseling, and for various reasons, I agreed to (2nd day of nc with OM). At any rate, when I told some family/friends about what was going on, they said, what makes you think you can trust him after he cheated on his wife with you? And my point is this: some of my family/friends think dh is such a great husband because he doesn't hit me/yell at me/cheat on me and he pays the bills, and so I was most definitely the villain. And if they think that my OM cheating on his wife is a sure indicator that he would cheat on me, what makes them think I will be faithful to dh after I cheated on him? I mean, that's what logically follows.

The thing is, my OM and I were always open and honest about EVERYTHING in our lives...there was no hiding. That's why we loved each other so much and had such a deep emotional connection. I am still very much in love with him and am going through a lot of pain at the moment, just hoping counseling will give me that with dh.

Good luck to you all!

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