Is this wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2010
Is this wrong?
6
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 3:55pm
Hi, I'm new here with a few questions. I've been lurking around reading and have decided to come forward. I met a guy through business. He was nice (married) as I am. Went out for drinks gave me a sob story that he was in a sexless marriage, no passion, complained about the wife, etc. One night we went out and ended up making out. I told him I'd sleep with him (my husband and I have an open marriage) For the past year, he's been playing mind games with me. Yes, let's do it then no, let's not. I recently found out from a friend that she's had an affair with him, confessed to falling in love w/ him and that he's a serial cheater. She warned me about him. I told her I have no desire to sleep with him. Well, I ended up sleeping with him and told her. When she asked me why I told her I was sick of the mind games and that he sleeps with everybody else so why not me? What's wrong with me that he doesn't want me? Well, he wasn't that good and I may or may not sleep with him again. I told my husband. He said fine, you did it once like you said you would, no more. Do you think I can just leave it at one? I told my friend I can do it and not get emotionally involved (like she did) Do you think I'm kidding myself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
In reply to: mandasjoy
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 5:08pm

Hi Mandasjoy and welcome to MAS! I am a little confused by a couple of things.


You say that you have an open marriage, but your husband said "no more" now that you have slept with this other man once. Is that typical in your relationship - that it is just a one-time thing, or do you usually have more of a relationship or friendship with other men?


You say that you slept with him and "it wasn't that good". So...if he plays mind games and the sex wasn't that good...why do you want to sleep with him again? Is it a power kind of thing where you want to prove that you can sleep with him multiple times and not develop feelings for him? Maybe beat him at his own game almost...


I think I would steer clear of him...anyone who has been playing mind games for a year with you...going back and forth about whether or not he wants you...and someone that a girlfriend has slept with and she says he's a serial cheater....I don't know...he just sounds like Trouble. With an open marriage, you can probably find someone who will rock your world in bed...and not play mind games and mess with your head.

Just my .02 cents worth...I may be completely way off base...that's just my thoughts.

LouLou
LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: mandasjoy
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 5:21pm
I completely agree with loulou. I was confused also. When you said he wasn't that good in bed, and with all the other "negatives" about him, WHY give him one of your most precious things - your BODY, once again? Maybe if you explain it more, we'll understand.

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2010
In reply to: mandasjoy
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 7:15pm
The agreement my husband and I have is if we're attracted to someone else we can sleep with them once. I did tell him all about it. I basically slept with him because 1.I was tired of his mind games, (either you're going to sleep with me or you're not. I don't care one way or another but these mind games are going to stop) 2. I knew he was a serial cheater and I thought: Well, if he sleeps w/ everybody else and won't sleep with me then what the hell is wrong with me? I'm not fat or ugly. It bothered my self-esteem. I like to know I'm still desirable (doesn't every woman?) 3. I like him as a friend and do find him attractive and I was curious to see if what my friend said about him was true and what he was like in bed.
That being said I might sleep with him again, I might not. I do believe I could teach him how to be better in bed. My main question is: Is it possible for a woman to keep sleeping with a friend and NOT get emotionally attached?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2010
In reply to: mandasjoy
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 4:41pm
Opinions ladies>?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
In reply to: mandasjoy
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 4:53pm
Manda - I suppose it is possible to sleep with someone and not get emotionally attached. But why risk it with someone who you already have several negatives listed about?

Do you want to teach him to be better in bed? Do you want to spend time with him and have an A with him?

My opinion...I would chalk it up to an OK experience in the bedroom and not let it go any further. With an open marriage you have the opportunites to meet men and bed them if you want to...why not wait until there is a real attraction with someone and then worry about if you want to do it again?

I would definitely steer clear of the "serial cheater", who uses the "I am stuck in a loveless marriage" line. JMHO...
LouLou
LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
In reply to: mandasjoy
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 4:53pm

Hi Mandasjoy,


Welcome to MAS


It seems like your already emotionally attached to him and why do you want to take out the energy to teach him to be a better lover? I don't think he's worth the time or energy that your putting into him but hey that's entirely up to you. He's a serial cheater and your setting yourself up for your feelings to get hurt.


I'd leave him alone if it were me but then again look who's talking ;)


Wishing you all the best!


 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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