wrote my nice knowing you email

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
wrote my nice knowing you email
17
Sun, 01-10-2010 - 7:05pm
Hey Everyone,
I am feeling pretty bad right now. The SG I thought I was going to have a FWB AP is done. I hadn't heard from him in awhile and decided I deserve better than this. If he had decided he no longer wanted it, he could have been a man and told me instead of (once again) running away. I've told myself he's a nice guy and doesn't mean to be mean but you know what? That is baloney! Why allow an excuse? I am worth an explanation. Why make excuses for his behavior? So, I wrote him an email that it was my last and since he was not talking to me again and since i had no idea why (again) I was not going to contact him because the last thing I want to do is bother him. I told him I hoped he was well and to take care. I refuse to go out without dignity! Yes, of course I wanted to tell him he was a selfish thoughtless, inconsiderate, immature jerk but what would that accomplish? I want to be able to hold my head high if we ever run into each other. I knew I wouldn't get a response back and did not expect one. Says a lot doesn't it?
It makes me sad. It hurts my feelings and I really liked him as a person but I decided I could no longer hold on to a maybe or what if. The last thing I want to look like is a hanger oner. Sometimes girls, it really sucks doesn't it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 9:09am
Full,
Thank you for a man's perspective. I do believe you when you say that this happens with some or most men and mine is doing it when he feels like it, but know he does NOT have another GF. I am not being naive or think he only wants me. I know he WANTS a real GF. Even if you look on his Facebook? Not ONE picture of a girl. Not one. Not even any of female friends! He has told me about past girl friends but has not had one in awhile. I feel he has some social issues but aside from that, he does what HE wants when he wants and when he knows I am leaving him alone he contacts me. It is rude and I do not have to accept this behavior from him. I plan on talking to him when I see him (we live in different states so I see him every 3-4 months for months at a time). I have told him in the past that I am older and not like his 20 yr old girl friends. I am not stupid! he says he doesn't want the bullsh** and drama. I believe he is a bachelor who wants to be free to do whatever he wants. He fishes and works. He has a small group of friends. As I said, somewhat of a loner. Doesn't go out much at night. People like him though and find him to be a great guy. I cannot say he has ever mislead me or been dishonest. I may not have control over how he treats me but I do have control over how I react and plan on doing this very soon! I feel even trying to attempt to talk to him online just isn't going to work. I have to do it face to face and one thing I know is he will tell me how he feels. He wont lie or hold back. Thanks so much for your thoughts on this!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 9:25am
sorry nolove4me,this guy is a loser.
a guy who knows what love is, will keep it at all costs w/o all these nerve wrecking head/mind games.love can be simple if intentions are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 9:30am
You know what, you are right there. He told me up front though he doesnt want to get "involved." He didn't want a complicated thing. I know this. Sad part is we have fun together and get along well.I've decided I am going to write a small one liner. just not exactly sure what. Something like "do I look stupid to you" or " I don't take left overs." Part of me just doesnt care anymore. I know I deserve better no matter what the "rules." Maybe even say his idea of FWB is very different from mine. Thanks! Really, really appreciate your input!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 10:00am
dump him.go cold turkey.
direct your attention to your h,you might be surprised but dont continue with this guy.
he isnt tht naive as you believe him to be,i promise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 10:04am
I wrote him and he wrote me back saying I think WAY to much and I should just go with the flow. He doesnt get it
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 10:06am
you are not his mommy to make him understand.let go. and move to eas.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 10:50am
Full,
Thank you so much for all your advice. After writing him the message and hos response I finally got to see the real person. The real person I never saw, that he never showed me. I'm not even a booty call, I am worse than that. I will never allow another man to ever treat me this way. Such a selfish, uncaring, jerk! I think he truly believes he was doing ME a favor. I wanted to tell him he sucked in bed (he wasn't that good) but of course that is just anger and goes nowhere. I am so very thankful that I was able to see him for exactly what he is. Thank you for helping me get there. It is so sad because I have a lot of trouble trusting men anyway. MY H cheated on me and it killed any belief in love that I ever had. I naively thought he could never hurt me that way. I was so wrong. It still affects me to this day. I love him very much and it is as good as it will ever be but obviously it did damage. This guy seemed like just a nice guy. God how stupid and gullible I was. Anyway, thank you so much for your input. It really means a lot.

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