WWYD

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
WWYD
3
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 2:29pm
Hi there everyone. I don't usually post here anymore since I am not currently in an A, but I am so confused right now about something.

At my workplace I work with one of my friends' H's. We are not very close friends but still we and three of our other friends go out about once or twice a year. Anyhoo, I never really thought anything about her H up until around Christmas of last year. At our party we all were hammered and he made a small comment about me with another co-worker. I just totally played it off like I didn't hear it and laughed. So fast forward to now.

Last week, since we work together, he was in my office bringing me some paperwork. He says that she, his W, is out of town for a few days. I didn't think anything about it since I am her friend and I thought he was just making small talk. Well I kept thinking "why did he tell me that?" She and I didn't make it habit to let each other know these things anyway. So almost time for us to leave he calls me. He says how does (my favorite drink) sound? I was still in a "blonde moment" and said since I had the most horrible day, I said "gosh that sounds so good" knowing full well I wouldn't or couldn't go have a drink on a weeknight. Anyways he proceeds to tell me anytime any place he would buy me one. I again laughed it off and said "I can't go, I have to pick up my kids and go home and cook dinner, see you in the morning".

I was in shock. Why in the world would he ask me that ? Well I know why but still, why would he ask his W's friend ? Anyways, I am conflicted about what to do. Should I tell her or not ? Well one of the reasons I don't want to tell her is because sometimes she can be very harsh. I don't know how to take her sometimes and I don't know if she would think I was responsible for what he did. I also really don't want to get involved in their problems. But really, would she want me to tell her? This is both their second M's.

Any thoughts and comments are welcome.

~Blue

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: bluecar2002
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 2:47pm
Blue -- you're not the marriage police. Even if you told her, if he's going to wander he's going to wander. No point in making her miserable. My best advice would be to stay out of it. Steer clear of him if you feel insulted by the attention. You may say something coy like "shall I call your wife to see what time?" to get him to lay off, but by all means, don't really do it. It's between the two of them. If you get in the middle you'll just end up squished.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
In reply to: bluecar2002
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 3:15pm
You need to tell him to take a hike and never, ever mention it to anyone ever again. The last thing you want is a "reputation." Your affair is your business, and how dare he presume that you'd be interested in him because of something he may or may not know is true?

Be strong, and just forget it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
In reply to: bluecar2002
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 3:53pm
Wow...sounds like he was definitely hinting around at something there. I would stay away from him, and ignore his requests/invitations. If he still doesn't get the hint, you may have to be blunt and tell him right out that you're not interested.

As for telling his W, I don't know if that is a good idea. On the one hand, you would think that she would want to know, but on the other hand, you don't know what spin he would put on it. He could turn around and blame it on you, thereby jeopardizing your friendship with his W. Just a thought...

:)

Circe