A year gone by...
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| Wed, 09-16-2009 - 1:01pm |
It's been a year since my A ended, at first I was heartbroken and devastated. Now I see him at work, and it's like, whatever!
He doesn't affect me one way or another. In some ways, working at the same place made me stronger. Each day after it ended I would force myself to go to work with my head up and a smile on my face.
Slowly but surely I moved on.
Now a year later, I am separated from my H. Life is a mess, I get depressed a lot, but this was my choice. I do have hard times ahead of me, there is no way I can hold on to the house by myself, so I am looking for affordable housing.
There are also good things coming, I am starting college soon, I received a full Pell grant to pay for it. It will be tough at my age, but it is a dream I always had.
H wants me back, and I could easily say Ok, let's try again, but I know that if I did my future would be miserable.
Ending an M after all these years hurts, because there were good times as well as bad. We had hopes and dreams together. But I would rather be alone than that unhappy.
I don't hate my H, part of me will always love him, but I need more.
I do and I don't regret my A, I do because it caused me a world of hurt, and I don't because I learned a lot of things about myself.
I regret it most of all because my H didn't deserve to have me be unfaithful no matter what.
I survived the hurt, I survived those dark days, I survived the roller coaster of exAP playing his head games, and it's a position I never want to be in again.
Of course it affected my trust in all men, I have learned to be cautious and I know at this point I am not ready to date or be involved with anyone.
So for those out there who are in an A, and things aren't good, remember there comes a time when the hurt passes.
I thought I would love AP forever, but nope, I don't feel a thing for him.
Ah well, such is the way of life...maybe someday I will find the one, but I sure ain't in no hurry!

Hi GreenEyes -
Long time no chat!!
Hi Tgr, thanks for responding, yeah, a year already, I can't hardly believe it.
But yeah, I made it, and if I feel anything when I see exAP, it's disgust.
Actually, it's not even disgust much anymore, I don't feel anything, like he ain't even there.
He ain't worthy of it. And I AM worthy of better.
I don't need games, and don't need to be hurt. I don't really know where my life is headed, but I am going for MY dreams!
And it's about dang time!