The year in review

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
The year in review
2
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 2:50am

Well, in one week it will be a year that AP and I went from what I thought was friendship (in hindsight, I can see that it was an EA) to a full blown physical A with 2 D-days thrown in there.


Earlier this week I had made mention to AP that the one year mark was around the corner and he said "yeah its July (insert a # here)". I was surprised that he knew the actual date. Anyhow, this opened up another conversation in which AP finally told me why he was looking for an A in the 1st place. Yes, I have asked and I always get "I don't rightly know" as the answer.


AP "chased" me for some years, tho all I was willing to offer was friendship. Nothing more. Or so I thought. Until I got to "this place", and I don't mean MAS, I mean the place I am in...I did not know EAs even existed! And, I am mid-30's. I always thought you could confide ANYTHING in a friend-male or female- without it being seen as anything but a really good friendship. Boy was I wrong.


AP told me that his reason for seeking out an A (this is messed up) was to see if the problems within his marriage were his or her fault. There are some physical problems in the intimacy dept. He thought something was physically wrong with him and now says that it is more of an emotional issue about what he "sees" when physical with his wife. I do feel badly for her...he is a wonderful man and he can't seem to get past her outside right now for some reason and this is having lots of effects on alot of aspects of their M.


After meeting me, he was...uh I guess "blown away" is what he said. And was um not fixated with me, but I was "perplexing and interesting". So he gave chase, and I would not give in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2008
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 6:48am

I'm 8 mths into my A and I think exploring the reasons why your A began is very important. I think 99% of AP's had no idea where the first kiss would lead them and I know I often say to myself "how did I get here - being in love with two men?"

My AP also protected my during our DDay - when it would have been less traumatic and probably healthier for his M to reveal the full extent of our R. He really stayed strong - denying a PA. We work together so unfortunately she knows who I am. I have young kids so his first concern is to protect them. One of the reasons why I love him so.

I don't know how I will feel at my one yr mark - I always said I would not be in this situation through another Christmas. Affairs are like lobster traps - easy to enter - almost impossible to slip out of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 7:24am

The lobster trap...I so agree.


I really did think it would be a one or two time thing. Never ever did I imagine it would last a full year. Never did I think there would be a DDay (don't we all think that?), and NEVER did I think I would fall in love with AP.


This past yr has been quite a roller coaster ride. Some bad, but mostly good. I actually have learned alot about myself from the A. We have tried to break it off a few times, first when we admitted our true feelings for one another and then again on both DDays...and we keep failing at ending it.