this year vs. last

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2011
this year vs. last
3
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 6:05pm

Last fourth of july, i awoke to an email from AP telling me he loved me.  We lived a fairy tale for a week or so before we both said we couldn't do this, couldn't ruin this "friendship" we had by making it in to something it could never be.  Three months later, after I was having a rough day, he told me he still loved me and always would.  I've never brought it up again.  

Eight days ago, we were talking about our plans for the holiday and I said nothing would ever compare to last year and he said:  "last fourth of July did stand out a bit".    I hoped he would have more to say... but i haven't heard from him since.  I've been a little bummed about it, but I also know I really shouldn't expect anything more from him.  

I've "known" him (online) for four years now, we became much "closer" well over a year ago.  He tells me all the time he's still waiting for that day to come when we finally get to meet in person... but I'm beginning to think we never will as we are slowly drifting apart.  It doesn't help, too, that his former AP, the one he fell in love with three years ago - his wife's sister who started this whole downward spiral in his life that eventually led him to me - moved into his neighborhood and he spends plenty of time with her.  He says the feelings for her are gone, but I will believe that when I see it.   

*sigh*  Such is the life of being in an affair.  what a stupid thing to do.  :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 07-06-2013 - 11:36am

I don't know if I'd ever use the phrase "beauty of an affair" because I don't think there's anything really great about it, but I do know what you mean.  I can certainly see how someone who is in an unhappy marriage can use an affair as an escape if all they want is some fun times. I guess I can't really wrap my head around the idea of having an online relationship for years and being "in love" but never meeting in person.  I would imagine it's nice to have someone to talk to, but as I said, I have online friends who I've never met, but they don't substitute for real life friends.  Imagine if I spent hours a day chatting w/ my online friends and never went out and never had any real friends--I'd think that was pathetic.  Yes it's an escape from every day problems but wouldn't it be better to deal with your real life problems and do something to actually make your life better?  Like if you have an unhappy marriage, why not get a divorce so you can find a person you are compatible with and be with that person so then you won't have the need to escape with an affair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 07-06-2013 - 9:19am

" ... you have a fantasy idea of what the person is like but knowing someone in person is a lot different" ...

But isn't that the beauty of an affair, whether it is an online emotion affair or full-blown affair in person?  When I was younger and single I had a few affairs with married men.  We enjoyed a few hours or a few days together, then he went home to his wife who had to deal with his dirty socks, bratty kids, and other problems.

But I think the OP's issue there is another woman.  It is pretty depressing when there is another woman when you ARE the other woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-05-2013 - 6:17pm

I don't mean to be rude but how can you be having an affair with someone you have never met?  I assume you mean an emotional affair.  I can understand how you can feel that you know someone just by interacting on line.  I Have "friends" from on line who I Have never met in person and we tell each other probably more things than we do people IRL--probably because we have that distance and not knowing each other personally.  I'm not sure if you can really love someone you have never met--you have a fantasy idea of what the person is like but knowing someone in person is a lot different--you don't have to deal with the boring details of daily life and annoying habits.  Maybe he just realizes that if you aren't going to meet, it's kind of a dead end street here.