Yoga (or anyone) What do you think ?
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Yoga (or anyone) What do you think ?
| Fri, 10-03-2003 - 11:40am |
paranoid...so deleted post
Edited 12/20/2003 1:41:17 PM ET by charlotte1203
Edited 12/20/2003 1:41:17 PM ET by charlotte1203

My first thought was, maybe he is backing off from you because he is afraid to push YOU, based on what you said to him during that time. Maybe he's afraid that if he steps over the line that he think you need to have in place, that he will lose you. Maybe he thought you were trying to tell him that you could no longer continue to proceed with him at this level of emotional intimacy.
He may just be compartmentalizing/trying to keep his feelings for you in check, but the timeliness of this change in relation to your comments to him about this being only an A, makes me think maybe that's not it.
I think that men tend to run away emotionally if they feel pushed, pressured, or overly pursued (this is a generality; please don't flame me). I think that if you were to have told him that you wanted to drop everything and be with him forever (rather than that this is just an A and your family comes first), that might have been enough to jolt him out of the passionate high that is SO nice to see in men, and pull away and return to reality a little. But he perceives that you told him the opposite.
So bottom line is, although he may very well agree with you that in the long run you can only have an A, not a life together... he may be a little hurt that you pointed it out to him.
If it were me I think I would tell him what you just told us in the last paragraph of your post, and see how he responds. I don't think that would push him away and it might clear a lot of things up.
{{HUGS}}
PR
Thank you so much for your response. I really appreciate your advice ( as I have read a few of your responses to other posts and I think you are right on the mark with the advice and issues you have raised recently -- I hope you are again -- no pressure, of course ;) By the way, I was referring to your post earlier today.
I think I will tell him when the timing is right.
Pretty
I emailed you. Hope we can talk further soon!
Thanks again ladies.
Edited 10/3/2003 8:21:38 PM ET by charlotte1203
Good luck...
I have been there and agree with yoga ( I seem to be doing that a lot today ) that you need to talk to him. MM and I went through the exact same thing when chatting on msn one day. Its hard, we set our limits or desires to where we do or do not want the EMA to lead, but one thing that we forget, is that we can not place limits on our feelings, no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise, it just can't be done.
There have been several times when we have told one another "this is only an EMA, and that we have no intentions of leaving our family" and yet I have seen the look in his eyes, or heard the silence when a topic comes up which reminds us that we don't plan on ever being together, or that our S/O comes first.
Then one day I approached the topic, and the man who stressed a million or more times that this would never lead to a relationship other than an affair, said "never say never". Being the realist and the debator, although I felt bad I felt I needed to make a point that we can't think that way. Well after hours of debating I realized something, he is right, you can never say never. And although our intentions are good so to speak, we just don't know what will happen.
But he did make a point that he wants to believe in us, and that if its meant to be it will be, and asked that I think the same. In one breath we state its just an affair, and yet, damned if either of us want to look at it that way.
The joys of a rollercoaster ride from He!!
Sweettendencies
Wishing~
Since your posts always supply that little jolt of reality that is sometimes needed on this board, I wanted to make sure I could get your take on it all! Thanks for responding, and for your advice.
sweettendencies and wishing
I really appreciate you both taking the time to give me your thoughts on my situation. Thanks so much.