You Find Your AP On AshleyMadison?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
You Find Your AP On AshleyMadison?
8
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 1:44pm

I was in a more EA with a friend of mine of over 30 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 5:25pm

we met on AM.. I also know of a few people who did.. it's pretty similar to meeting anyone online.. very rare that you'd find someone you can be with.. and you always want to do anything possible to confirm the identity and background of the person you are communicating with.. after that, it's just like meeting someone at a bar.. it may or may not end well.. I think people are drawn to it mostly because of the convenience..

I did hear that sometimes people bring a friend to the first meeting.. and just talk about safe topics.. a good way to find out where he's at could be to see what he'd say if you suggested that the first meeting be a "friendly" one.. no harm in that, IMO..

I'd say, as a general rule, "we" are ALL about gory details here.. so please write more! :-) .. don't hold back..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 5:54pm

Well I think I could write a book on AM and AFF....*sigh* I met a lot of MM on both. Some of them became my AP's being out there for 18 months off and on trying to find the perfect AP. Well he doesn't exist, I never found him.

I did find a Sex offender, a sex addict and a stalker...and those were the good ones.

You seem to be doing the right things to protect yourself. BUT be careful, check him out completely before meeting him,if your state has public court records check that (anything criminal may raise a red flag), check the offender list..Follow his actions not his words. He might be saying the right things now, but I would not just jump into anything....you have the upper hand. There are like 10 guys to every female out on the sites. IF he cant treat you the way you want to be treated.....there are others. His loss not yours.

Sorry I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer but I have been down the road and its not pretty.

Oh... and I could place money is he has a profile on AM he also has a profile on AFF. They seem to work both if not all. And their not too smart with changing up their profile names.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 6:16pm

And let me just add...I don't know if you guy is a MM. But in my experiences almost all of them gave some song and dance about how their wives hates sex, is never in the mood, its been two years...blah, blah, blah. Then you will find out that they indeed have sex with their wives...more than they lead you think. Sometimes twice a week even....You will find out after they get want they want from you.

good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 8:05pm

is having a regular, or semi-regular sex life rule out someone as a potential AP, male or female? That is, is it required that your sex life has to be in the dumps to seek an A?


i do agree with your point that most if not all males would say that their sex life is imparied.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 8:39pm

While I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who may say they're not getting any at home when in fact they are, my personal experience says that's not always the case.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 9:15pm

is having a regular, or semi-regular sex life rule out someone as a potential AP, male or female? That is, is it required that your sex life has to be in the dumps to seek an A?

Well, no its not out. I might be off base but I feel that if someone is actively looking for a A, that they should try and be as honest as possible about their motives. I mean if they are just having vanilla sex and are looking to spice it up a little, then say that. If they have sex once a week and its limited to 15 minutes...then say that. I just don't like it when they cue the violins and I get to hear how awful their situation is and then found out later...that its not that bad.

My thinking stems from a AP that I had, I met him on AFF. He gave me "the wife hates sex" spiel, seemed harmless enough....then I find out a bit later that they had sex twice a week. What was I for?....to fuel his sex addiction. But I wasn't enough, he needed to add a couple, then he wanted to take video and pics, then a trip to a swingers club. The sex got rougher and rougher to the point he started to leave marks. This all happened over some time. I didn't realize what I had gotten my self into until I was away from it. He ended it flat out, walked away, when I basically held up a mirror and told him what he was doing...he also didn't agree with me. See where I'm going with this? *sigh* If i was his wife...well thank god I'm not his wife.


Most of his requests never happened, btw. But he was almost obsessed with it. Its all he talked about.

So yes we all fudge it a bit, I'm not going to disagree. But we as females need to protect ourselves out there on the internet. Not everybody has good intentions. And no matter how our moral compass might be askew, we do not deserve to be treated like crap. Like a object, like trash...for some poor married slobs cheap thrill. And I feel that most men on AM and AFF are looking for just that, blow up doll with a pulse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 9:59pm

Scarlet, I am sorry that you had to go through such an experience.. you are totally right.. such behavior is totally uncalled for.. and yes, quite common among men looking for an A partner, I must admit..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 11:18am

I'm being especially cautious because this is my rebound.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 12:53pm

What an interesting thread this has turned into :) I've always wondered about AM, but WAY too chicken to "go there" LOL! Someone tell me: Does it locate geographically?


oh_my_my...I'm SO with you on the "if you just want to have something on the side to spice it up...tell me". I feel that way, too. At least then we KNOW to TRY to keep our emotions in check or get out altogether if we can't handle that.


My AP and I

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 4:15pm

yes. you can search geographically.


I'd been looking for someone in and near my town.

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