You guys are all so lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
You guys are all so lucky
22
Thu, 11-20-2003 - 9:28am
I don't know if it's appropriate for me to post this here, but since I would *like* to have an EMA, I thought it might be okay.

Many of the posts I've read on here from MW in an EMA were in the same boat I am. M is OK, but H is not giving me the attention and time I would like. In fact, more and more I'm beginning to think *he* might be having an EMA. Hypocritically, that makes me even more angry and hurt and makes me want have one even more (I know it's childish)! Also, I'm not that attracted to my husband anymore and missing passion in my life. This is so ironic because I think my husband is still attracted to me, but I think a major reason I'm not that attracted to him anymore is that he gives me so little attention and time (including sexually--foreplay for him is grabbing my breast). I am beginning to feel so old and UNdesirable, and it's making me very depressed. I envy you MW who have someone else that makes you feel alive and sexy. I know an EMA is not necessarily the best solution (and I don't know if I could handle the guilt of an EMA anyway), but I don't think things between my H and I are going to change. I've talked to him before about feeling neglected by him, and he changes for a while, but then things go back to the same old, same old (BTW, we've been married for 13 years.) I just don't understand where or how you are meeting these men, especially those of you who are stay-at-home moms like me. I didn't think I'm particularly unattractive, but I'm beginning to since no one has shown any interest in me.

I guess I'd just like some advice from people who have been there.

TIA

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 11:59am
Dear Member,

I am sorry your relationship with your father has suffered, and that you feel betrayed.

Please, re-evaluate *your* relationship with him - not your mother's with him. If you will step back a moment, and look at the relationship between your parents, you will realise it is different than the relationship you have with either of them.

You berate your father for his actions, yet what your mother did - in telling you about them - was wrong, too, in my opinion...no matter their relationship, she should be trying to foster the relationship between the two of you. Speaking from experience, I would never tell my children their father strayed throughout our 20+ years of marriage - beyond a momentary feeling of revenge for me, there would be no benefit for the children to know. For whatever reasons our marriage failed, I wouldn't want the relationship between father and child to fail for that. No, I don't consider their father has a good relationship with them, but I do try to help them work through it for future reference, and don't belittle him to them. It doesn't take away the love they have for me when they love their father.

When love finds you, and if you have children, you will experience different types of love - and perhaps understand that people love differently - in their own way, and not necessarily how we want them to love us. *You* feel your father didn't love you all those years, but that is *your* thoughts in your own head - I would have you ask your father if he loves you, and if he has always loved you...and only *then* can you know.

Since you are in pain, I would guess you still love your father? Please don't let the problems your parents had in their relationship affect your relationship with either of them. You should enjoy your love for them, and their love for you, each day...because people do not live forever.

Wishing you peace,

Meow

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 6:05pm

Hi member,


I'm not a person that will get up and defend myself in this issue... it's not because... to many people... that I've done something wrong... it's because it's my life and no one will understand it... ever! as they can never walk in my shoes... ever! everyone's situation is different... and finally... i just don't see a need to defend my choice.


I just wanted to put out one thing... I'm a married woman with children and I see a married man wo too has children.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

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