Your 2 cents

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Your 2 cents
6
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 4:45pm
I'm interested in your opinions... had lunch with MM today, Harley didn't work out so we went in his truck. He is off for the next week on vacation, so it was a sort of good bye lunch. It was nice to spend time together before he left. When we were parting I mentioned something about not being able to email/see/talk to him for a week. He made a comment that I am trying to understand. He said that we need to be careful about the emails. He told me at work it is fine, but at home he doesn't always know who is around when the email comes in and that he didn't want to have to explain why he was getting emails from me. This was the first time we discussed boundaries. That keeping our contact to M-F. I am fine with as I am a MW and don't want to answer questions either. Does this mean that he is acknowledging that we are having an affair? That we are doing something that we shouldn't be doing, crossing some line? I interpreted it to mean that, but I am not objective because this is what I want with him. Things seem to be moving along, slowly but surely. I hugged him good bye and gave him a peck on the cheek today-second hug this week for us. Just curious if this is wishful thinking or he is finally coming around...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 5:08pm
No, jersey, that's how it happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 8:22pm
Jane-to answer your question-not directly, I mean there is a lot of flirting and sexual innuendo at time. For example, today he asked me if I liked cucumbers. I kind of smiled and said yes because my mind was in the gutter already. He told me he had some in the back seat for me from his garden at home. I ended up forgetting to get them from the back seat before we parted, distracted by the hug I guess. I called him when I remembered and he told me he would give me more when he got back and I said more what???? and he said cucumbers!! and he told me not to be naughty. That is usually the extent of our exchanges-G rated in my book. We have them each day, there is some innuendo, but when I get a little more suggestive, he tells me to behave. He'll play along some, but has a lot of self control in my book. This week was the first week with the huggy stuff. Now he'll have a week to miss me. He was going to take a week off of work to chill and go on a bike road trip with his W for a few days. His attitude was he is going with or without her-she'll go though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2009
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 8:44pm
You two know that you are heading into EA eventually AP territory. Think about it, if an email comes in from you while he's at home what is he to say? He knows he is "seeing" you even though right now it is pretty innocent. He doesn't wanna have to explain, and raise red flags. I believe his wife will be suspicious he is being careful. Wouldn't you be suspicious if your H received email from a female?
Realize that he is a MM and by the same token that he will establish boundaries such as this one. And yes I believe this is a sign that he is well aware he is about to "cross the line" as far as what a married man should not be doing. The problem with some men is that they do not express their feelings and leave us guessing about how or what they might be feeling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 8:54pm
Thanks for your reply. I agree with you on all counts. When we have discussed this before, the having an A thing, he has told me that he wants to be friends for now. He is leaving the door open. So I said I was fine with that, we'll be friends, but I have continued to be upfront about what I want-more than friends. We both want to stay M-his M is much better than mine. I am waiting for my kids to get older. Even though he has given me the friends, he spends a lot of time with me and we go to lunch every other week. First he didn't want to have a beer because he said he was afraid we wouldn't come back, so ti was coke. Now we are up to two beers at lunch today, all I can handle in one sitting. My point is he says one thing and his actions are saying something else...why so confusing??? I know what I want and hopefully he'll come around at some point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 8:00pm

Hi Jersey,


I have been following your story for some time now and each time I have read a post about your situation something just doesn't sit right with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 9:33pm
Thanks for your feedback and no I don't take offense from it. It's good to have many perspectives. I have thought the same thing, that maybe it is better to just enjoy the friendship we have because it is nice. I am afraid if things go any further that we won't be able to go back to the place we are at now. Yes I am hopeful that things will move forward, but I am not pushing it. I have been consistently behaving the same way all along. It is he that is now looking for me more and making a big effort to spend time with me and share more of himself with me. Of course this makes me hopeful, but I had made up my mind a while ago that he would have to make the first move if he wanted anything more. I tried to justify his spending more time with me because we were becoming better friends, but honestly, I don't talk to my friends as much as I talk to him. Maybe it is curiosity on his part or he is flattered by the attention, but he is making a lot of effort to spend time with me. He was the one that grabbed me for my bday hug-I had suggested it playfully, but he reached out to me. He was also the one that mentioned we had to be careful about emails when we weren't at work. If we're just friends, why would that matter? If I go back and follow my own story, I see that we are making progress. I think for him it is easier to do it slowly so he can process it all and make it fit into his life. I have no doubt that we'll get there, but it will be a slow process and not some crazy,out of control thing. He'll ease into it and if he does it that way,I don't think he will regret much as he is doing it little by little. I guess I'll have to wait and see. It's not like there is anyone else I am interested in having an A with. If it doesn't work out with him, I won't be going down this road again. This isn't something I was actively looking for, I thought I was happy in my M. He just came along and things kind of just started to move along to where we are now.