is your affair a total secret?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
is your affair a total secret?
20
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 5:08pm
Is your affair a total secret, or have you confided in someone? I am so grateful for this board, but I am thinking of confiding in a girlfriend regarding the affair. I'm not so sure that I should do this, but sometimes I think it would be nice if there were someone who knew (other than MM, of course). What have been your experiences with confiding in someone? Good, bad, ugly?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 5:38pm
I told my best friend 5 months into the A...I am now involved for 8+ months and it is the best decision I have ever made. I say this because it killed me to hide it from her...she is my best friend and we do not keep secrets from each other...I tried to tell her so many times but I just couldn't get it out...then finally one night after a few drinks I broke down and told her. I knew she knew but she really didn't know for sure and by telling her I was just confirming what she already thought. She was hurt and I don't blame her...but we have moved past that and it is so great to be able to tell her the wonderful things that happen and also to vent when needed. She shares in my happiness but is also there when I need a shoulder to cry on...she does not judge me and can give me fair, sound advice when needed. I thought I was going to regret telling anyone...but like I said before...it was the best decision I ever made.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 6:36pm
Im not telling anyone... I remember in my younger days and you told your best friend a secret and she in turn told your parents because she thought they should know or when I cheated on a boyfriend she went and told the boyfriend because she thought he should know... She is still my best friend but I would not tell her. As history repeats itself...i wont let it happen again....This secret is safer with just me and MM no one else.....(If I want to stay in my own marriage)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 6:58pm

Hi birdiegirl,


Two of my closest friends know about MM and I... besides MM, me and all the board... that is it!


One of my friends... I have now know for 21 years... while we presently live in different states thousands of miles apart... we are still in regular contact.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 8:51pm
NO ONE knows but my Mm and I ! I just feel we are safer that way The consequences are so great! Why push it anymore than we are!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 9:06pm
Same here! KC
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 9:34pm
I've told two friends, one - I don't tell her much info anymore (she doesn't ask either) Another friend - I tell everything too and it feels great to be able to confide!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 12:00am
I feel like it's best, in my situation, not to share with anyone. I would love to be able to confide in someone but I feel like this is mine to bear alone. I just can't burden someone I love with this information. And I truly believe that the more people who know, the more chance there is of being found out. Besides, everyone loves my H (rightly so) and no matter how much they love me, I know they wouldn't understand.

That's not to say that I think it's wrong to confide in someone. I just know it's not right for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 7:34am
One other person knows about our affair. He knows because it pretty much began right in front of him. He has been useful as a cover for some activities and is totally discreet (I hope).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 8:47am
Big mistake. I learned my lesson. I told my BF of 15 years thinking this person would be there for me (especially because she had expressed to me that she had an A in the past) the problem was that BF's A ended negitively and she was deeply hurt by her MM.

Because she was hurt and angry, everything was thrown in my face and her anger ended our friendship. She could not seperate her A from mine and my MM became the villian. I think it is too much for a friendship to sustain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 1:46pm
I am the OW in my relationship. I am a really open and honest person, so most everyone knows except my mom and dad. They know about my MM, they just don't know he is married. My MM jokes that the only people that don't know in his group are his wife and his mom. Even his dad knows about me. I think we are extrememly lucky in that noone really judges. It certainly makes it easier to be able to be around our friends and families. Though, I must admit I feel a little weird around his dad and stepmom.

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