is your affair a total secret?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
is your affair a total secret?
20
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 5:08pm
Is your affair a total secret, or have you confided in someone? I am so grateful for this board, but I am thinking of confiding in a girlfriend regarding the affair. I'm not so sure that I should do this, but sometimes I think it would be nice if there were someone who knew (other than MM, of course). What have been your experiences with confiding in someone? Good, bad, ugly?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 1:55pm
Pretty much every one knows except my Dad and his Mom. All of our close friends know. It seems like that would be dangerous but, It's been years now and no one has let the cat out the bag. I feel lucky to have such good friends and family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 2:02pm
My best friend of 28 years overheard me on the phone last summer with my mm. We were in a bar and she had just told me about her affair with her sg. I wasn't going to tell her anything but she heard me on the phone so I confessed. Now her sg knows about my affair and my h knows about her affair. The twist is that that her H is having an affair also. It is all so twisted. It is nice to have someone to talk to though. The problem is that she calls me all the time and that is how my H found out. If you do tell someone try not to talk about it too much when others are around.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 2:07pm
MM and I discussed this once. He asked me if I had told anyone and I said no way. We both feel like the more people who know the more chance for you to be found out. Someone at work actually intercepted one of my lusty vm messages off his phone because he couldn't answer his phone. He called me and jokingly said he couldn't decifer the message I left and could I help him out! I denied it, but at the same time MM called me on the other line and had to go. That was about a week before mm ended our relationship. Since then we have gotten back together and I made sure mm had told him it was over before it even started. The guy never mentions it anymore to me since then.

Way toooo dangerous!

deedee

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 3:38pm
When my OM and I had our first A 5 years ago, I confided in my best friend and my step-mother. My step-mom was great at keeping the secret, even when he argued for whatever reason or stopped talking to each other for a while, she didn't tell a soul about my affair.

My best friend was very good at keeping the secret too, but she used it to have an excuse to seduce my husband. I guess she figured, "Well, his wife is cheating on him, so I might as well get some of him".

This second time around, not even my step-mom knows. You guys are my confidants now =) He has told his best friends, though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 3:54pm
I have been contemplating telling someone. I have someone I can trust 100%... I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. I just want to talk... really talk... about it with someone. I almost told her today while we were at lunch together, but I didn't. There's got to be a reason why I'm not telling her right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 5:14pm
here is my opinion. i told someone and it was the worst thing i ever did. as i have learned in the past that for every friend i tell they have 5 more friends they tell and you never know who is friends with the W. so do what you think but you have to think does it effect them and what will they do with that information. the person i trusted i was 100% sure they wouldn't tell but they told one person it got back to people that should have never known. good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 5:43pm
As he is my neighbor, married and our kids play together every day, NO....no one I would or could imagine confiding in and his wife and I are friends too. Its so unreal and sick on one part, but its like he is there, but sleeps at my house every night? he leaves before they get up, but I wonder how on earth she doesn't know or even care? They don't sleep in the same bedroom if you know what I mean so I think its strange anyway. I feel like a bad episode of Jerry Springer and there is definitely no one I would want to tell this story to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 5:51pm
Not a soul knows except the people on this board. I'm very fearful to telling anyone. As much as I feel I can trust a couple of close friends, I just don't want anyone to slip or have that burden.

I too, am so grateful to this board and the members here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 8:46pm
one person knew/knows on MM 's side -

One person "thought" they knew on my side but It only made me realize maybe my actions were causing suspicions - later that same person said...oh you seem like your old self

again...and that was the end of it -


I prefer no one know -

Just way easier on covering my butt

K

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 11:45pm
I told my two best friends (incidentally, they are going out)--I told my best girlfriend that I was seeing someone who was way older than me because I needed her to be able to cover for me, because she was my cover story if I needed to get out of the house--so if someone called looking for me, she could say I was in the bathroom or whatever. My best guy friend I told actually the same thing, except the one thing I told him that I DIDN'T tell my girlfriend is that he's married. I don't know what possessed me, and I wish I hadn't, because I freaked out like, forever that he would let it slip to someone. But he's been so great, and just said that he never expected that kind of thing from me, but if I ever needed help or to talk, then I could come to him. I never will, but it's so great to know I have friends that really care about me.

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