Is that your FINAL answer?
Find a Conversation
Is that your FINAL answer?
| Tue, 03-02-2004 - 7:14pm |
My OM has been sending me on an emotional rollercoaster ride with my emotions! One week he wants to be MORE than friends and then the next week, he wants to be "just friends" and so on! Well, Friday night we had a GREAT night together and Monday he wants to be "just friends." I told him on Monday that he needs to give me an answer and this answer is his FINAL answer. He has yet to get back to me on what his answer is. One thing-I think I am falling in love with him. I am so confused right now with my emotions! Should I tell him how I feel and then ask him to give me the final verdict? I'm not sure what to do with these feelings or this position I am in because this is my first A. PLEASE HELP!

I have the same problem ;-( I was getting tired of this emotional rollercoaster so I emailed him and asked him to think hard what he wants. What really would make him happy in life and to please make up his mind .
Of course I know I probably won't get a final answer because emotions change by the minute .
One minute he feels guilty about cheating on W so he wants NC . Then a few days later when he misses me , misses the great sex , now he wants me and will call and say something to make me feel like he does want me in his life .
then later again he will feel bad , maybe W did something nice for him .............. so at that moment he tells me he can't be in a R while he is still M .
But then when things are bad at home again , I am sure he thinks of me and then again he wants me .
I asked him over and over does he want our friendship to end . he will answer with out any hesitation , NO NO .
But then will call me and say he can't do this as long as he is M and he isn't ready to leave his W yet .
YET ?? what does that mean ?? Never got an answer on that .
So I told him I think it is time for him to start trying to make things better at home , not just saying he wants to , but actually do something about it . and if it doesn't work well time to leave the W .
I did tell him exactly how I feel about him ( if that pushed him away , oh well . I am the type who speaks my mind and I say what I feel and I can't hold back ) , and that I just want him to be happy . But I think he needs to figure out what really will make him happy and when he decides what it is that makes him happy - do it !!
So final answers won't happen overnight . It will take time to sort out .
yeah I have no patients , because I know what I want .and I want to know NOW what he wants . But I will have no choice but to be patient and wait because I guess he isn't sure what he wants .
You can't control others emotions , only yours .
I can think of only two reasons when some one doesn't answer an email or questions you have . One is they are not sure how they feel . Second they are to coward to tell you it is over so they just ignore emails and phone calls . Hoping it will just go away .
I also told my MM if he wants NC and wants me out of his life all he has to do is say so . That he doesn't have to say things to protect my feelings because it just leaves me confused .
I am still waiting for an answer , it has only been a day . I will no longer contact him until I hear from him . if I don't hear from him , then I will take it is over .
BTW hondagal8 is your OM , single or married ? are you single or married ?
xoxo ViperDiva
That is exactly what happens with OM!! When he's having problems at home or when he's NOT feeling guilty, then we are MORE than friends. But, when he feels guilty (which is almost always after the fact) then he wants to take a step back and be "just friends."
He stated he had strong feelings for me and I told him I have strong feelings for him but I have more than just strong feelings-I am falling in love with him! I know I have to tell him but dont' know when. Should I wait to hear his FINAL answer? This is my first (and hopefully last) A. Deep down, I wish I could be with OM but I am NOT expecting nor asking that of him. I'm sooo confused!
Well both of you are not M , so it can be easier to walk away from the R .
Have you ever asked him why is it he stays in a R he is not happy with ? I mean not married and I am assuming no kids , why stay ?
Does his GF support him , is there something else ??
If you already emailed him wanting a final answer , then now you should wait and see what happens . You can't keep demanding a final answer . You have to give him time to figure it out . How much time ?? well that is tough question . How much time is enough time ? weeks ?, months ? more ?
How long are you willing to wait ?
I am single . I am not waiting around for MM . Yes I miss him , yes I am hurting , Yes I am dating but wishing he was with me ....but I keep dating hoping to find that single guy that can make me feel like MM does ......and when that happens yes MM will be history .
So if he waits to long he may just miss this train ;-)
I think for now you should focus on ending your R so you can be single and free to meet new people . Good luck , Hugs , ViperDiva
xoxo ViperDiva
I say wait about a week and then during your conversation casually bring up - Oh btw have you thought about what I asked you ?
Should you tell him that you are in love with him ? well are you sure you are in love with him ? Maybe it is just lust ? Maybe it is because you are feeling lonely because you are about to end your R with your BF. so you want someone to fall back onto .
Apart from the great sex . Do you guys have things in common ? Do you share the same ideas about stuff like Family ? religion ? other ? Do you enjoy doing the same things .
"in love" feelings don't hold an R forever .
Think about your current BF . Were you "in love" with him in the beginning ? Now years later look what happened , you drifted apart ? why ?
There is a book called - "date or soul mate" by Neil Clark Warren Ph.D.
I found this book to be interesting reading and helpful to figure out if a person you want is really for you .
To many people get married for the wrong reasons . Like money , got pregnant , she is pretty , she is a nice women , he is a nice guy, she cooks and cleans ( get a maid ;-) ) .....well that isn't enough to keep a Happy M . If people would wait to marry for the right reasons we wouldn't be in this mess of A's and unhappy marriages .
xoxo ViperDiva
Yes, we talk everyday. Either through Email or he calls me (I never call him.) Actually-I just got off the phone with him. He didn't mention anything about the whole "friendship" subject. I think I'll take your advice and give him a week and ask him about it by Wednesday cause this weekend is his anniversary.
I know him and his girlfriend were having a rocky time and he says he stays with her because she is too dependent on him and would mentally fall apart. She doesn't have any friends but his friends, etc. I did ask him at one point if he loves her and he says he does and that he does care for her.
I guess I can truly say I am not sure what I feel towards him, but I do know it is stronger feelings than "just friends." Me and my soon to be ex BF were having major problems prior to me ever meeting OM and to be honest, it doesn't even feel like I am in a relationship with BF. We see each other once a week maybe and don't really talk or anything so that has nothing to do with my feelings for OM.
Its weird, but I am constantly thinking of OM and when I do see him, I act like I am 12 years old with my first crush! We have A LOT in common!!! We have both been through the same difficult times (deaths in family-parents.) We have the same outlook on life. We actually worked in the same field and that is how we met. We have a lot of the same goals and when we are together, everything seems so perfect.