Your Thoughts....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Your Thoughts....
3
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 8:45pm

AP and I got together last week for a few hours. We went hiking, had a long talk, and got intimate in the woods. Not my favorite place when it is 95 degrees out!!


During our talk the "love" word came out for the first time. He said that every time he leaves me or our texting/conversations end, he feels like he wants to say it.

TanZa2920
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 10:41am
Hard to say? I think he has feelings for you and might very well be planning to leave at some point. But when that "point" gets closer, it may be harder than he imagined, and he might not be able to go through with it. Always a possibility. Even if he never leaves, it doesn't mean that he never planned to leave. You're taking your chances if you wait, whether he really plans to leave at this point or not.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2009
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 5:08pm

Hi tanza~


I agree with what Lexi is saying. It took me 2 years after being in my A to get the courage up to leave my ExH. It never meant that I didn't want to earlier. I had to find that place within me to be completely ready and to be true to myself as the real reason I was leaving my marriage.
Now for AP...I was D before his D was even started. Which the D wasn't even filed by him, it was by his STBXW. (Yes he is still legally married and it stinks big time)
It seems so easy from your stand point to try to make him understand what he needs to do. But it's really not as easy as it sounds, and I know you probably completely understand that. Just reiderating (sp?).
I did choose to wait once I was S and D, for my AP. I knew it's what I wanted and I knew that he was going through with everything. It just took and is still taking longer than mine did. My D was complete in 65 days. Very quick! AP's has been going on for 9 months.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is you have to figure out what you want. Do you want to take the risk and wait? Or do you really long for that normal relationship? You have to weigh your options our regardless of what your AP is telling you. Sometimes in these situations we have to be a little selfish.
I know it's hard and not easy. Believe me there are plenty times I have wanted to run far far away from all of this.


Hang in there girl and it will all work out one way or the other.

cntrygirl03
cntrygirl03
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Tue, 07-13-2010 - 5:28pm

Hi Tanza..

mm here..

I agree with the posters. I don't think he's stringing you along, he is sincere. I think though, your challenge isn't his sincerety or intentions, but as you mentioned, where the two of you are at this time and the sticking points related to "love" in your situation.

He may be sincere in his feelings, this may also be an escape for him.. the two sometimes go together anyway.. but in the long run, there are more problems when the A becomes so emotionally charged that neither party can sustain it, come up with the energy to survive it day in day out, especially in the long run..

If you would like to keep him for a while, you might want to talk to him about this, and maybe tell him that, for the foreseeble future, it might be wise for the two of you to stay as caring, special friends, and when there's more room for the both of you, way down the line, you may both entertain thoughts of deeper emotional involvement.. but for right now, it would be more of a sore thumb/subject than something either of you can hope for in a healthy manner..

On a different note, I agree with you.. outdoors, 95 degrees, not my cup of tea either.. you are a trooper..

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