Your thoughts needed... re: JEALOUSY

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Your thoughts needed... re: JEALOUSY
8
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 8:23am


jealousy. from either the man or woman who are involved in something like this together? MM gets jealous and upset if he hears about something that happens to me when I'm out at the bar, and the same thing goes for me... I get upset when I hear about him going out and getting hit on , or even when he's out with his group of friends, some which happen to be female coworkers.

why is it that we seem to forget about each other's spouses in this whole thing? why are we more jealous of someone from the bar and we don't get upset at the fact that every night, we go to bed with our own spouses?

Your input/thoughts appreciated!!!

p.s. good morning!!! :) it's Hump Day!!



Complicated

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 9:42am
I know exactly what you're talking about. I work in close proximity with a fairly handsome guy and that guy has pretty much become the bane of MM's existence. I've learned not to talk about him at all if I can avoid it. I don't normally go to bars and it's been a while since I've been hit on (the wedding ring deters it, I guess!) but MM does have a hard time hearing about men looking at me. It comes in spells and the problem is, I never know how he's going to feel about it on a certain day. I can wear the same outfit ten times, then one day I'll have it on and he'll make a comment about me showing too much cleavage or whatever. I can talk about men whistling at me on the street one day and he'll just laugh, then another it'll make him mad. Usually when he gets mad, he says something to make me jealous. We work out at the same gym and I'm constantly catching him looking at other women, yet it seems to slip his attention that I'm looking over the heads of all kinds of guys who are gawking at me to look at HIM. It annoys me to no end. Of course, yes, I look at other men too, so I guess it's not fair to expect him to only have eyes for me. I guess sometimes when he can't seem to make time for me, I just feel like there are a lot of guys who WOULD make time for me, but I guess that's probably not true, is it? A man ogling you on the street and a man having a relationship with you are two completely different things!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 10:02am
deleted


Edited 3/10/2004 4:58 pm ET ET by geek_chic
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 10:18am
well, I pretty much posed the same question to MM, because we had a big argument about it almost all day yesterday. he said something to the effect of this...

The reason we get a little jealous is because maybe in the back of our minds we know that maybe one of us will meet someone else and be attracted to them. I mean, it happened with

us with our spouses.

well, that kinda makes sense to me, which makes me believe that even if we were to leave our spouses for each other (which we are not planning on doing anyway) it would never work out. and that would be one of the main reasons... if we left our spouses for each other, who's to say the same thing wouldn't happen to me and him? I love him so much, and he's all I think about and all I want, but the cold hard truth is, we've made those same vows/promises to our respective spouses and look what happened.

I don't need to be jealous of anything, because I know that he feels the same way about me than I do for him. and he enforced that this morning by telling me that he "loves me more than I'll ever know".



whew, they don't call this a rollercoaster ride for nothing! lol



Complicated

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 10:26am
You've touched on an issue I think we're all concerned about. I remember the way MM flirted with me before this A started and I know he flirts with other women in the office. He's just not doing it in front of me. He's a flirt by nature and that's how he'll always be, but it's one thing to flirt or even look at another woman and yet another to fall in love with her. I think if any one of us ends up with our MMs, we're always going to wonder. They did it once, so odds are they'll do it again. And it's the same with me. I wonder just as much if I'll ever be 100% happy with anyone. Seems to me once you've taken that step once, you're much more likely to take it again. It's just easier because you don't have that major line to cross from never having had an affair to having had one. How would you ever trust again? Wouldn't you wonder every time they left the house where they were going???
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 12:24pm
I think the same thing too. I was wondering last night if i could ever be satisfied with one person. I have started to pull away from both my OM and my DH because i am so confused. My Dh tells me that i am pulling away and i told him i am detaching myself from everyone.

when is it all enough? i get jealous also but OM and i don't talk about anyone else. Crazy stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 4:11pm
I told my MM once that I was not jealous of his W, just jealous of other women, if there was another W in his life. I was fishing for information! He said I shouldn't worry, there has never been another A, just me! This pleased me. Last week, while I was traveling on buisness, I went out to a few bars, met a few guys, but it was all innocent. When MM found out, he really didn't care that I had had a few drinks with other men. I asked, "Are you jealous?" He said, don't let me hold you back but you better wear a condom. I really did not know what to think about this. I would rather that he not approve of me with other men. I really have no interest in anyone but him and wish he was more possessive of me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 4:11pm
I look at this way; if you willingly made the concerted effort to cheat on your partner, and the person with whom you're having the A with has done the same, why wouldn't you or he/she do it again? How can trust ever be part of the equation? Of course, there will be paranoia, suspicioun and jealousy to some degree.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 8:22pm
I am jealous every day of my MM wife. She is an important person, erudite, and interesting. I know my MM has great respect for her. I am interesting, smart, and erudite too, but I don't have the importance she has. I know that when they married, she was his soulmate. I assume that is still the case. I know that I am important to him=I know that he wants me. But there is still the WIFE. I have a husband, too, but I seldom talk about him. He was MY soulmate, but we screwed up, like so many of us do. I hate it when he talks about her, but as a caring lover, I listen to whatever he says.

I will take whatever my darling is able to give. I keep my jealousy to myself, mostly.

Legs