Advice? Or rather venting here
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|Mon, 06-16-2008 - 1:35am|
I've been reading most of the posts here this past week, and alot of it with great piece of advices, especially from people who have been married for many years without the rose-tinted glasses. This is what I need, as I'm still in a fairly "new" marriage. Only 3 years this Fall.
I'm a young professional woman who married her husband 12 years older, not that age is relevant but to give you an idea of my background, in order to receive good advice. I've been with my husband for 6 years, with first 3 just just as a couple, and the rest in martial relationship.
I'm a highly sexual person, a HL who's married to a guy with LH, but it was something that was sort of known since I started dating him. However, I did not realize that it would become less, to than what we had, and then getting to the point of being non-existant as it is currently!! I realize after thinking for weeks about this, that I was really a naive woman who thought love would help to overcome it. I'm realizing how wrong I am now. Which leads me to feel alot of resentment, anger, guilt and bit of sadness. I did not think I would be talking/venting about it 3 years into a marriage where both are fairly young people with straightforward jobs and no kids yet!!
Throughout my 20's, I was always in volatile relationships, so when I ended the last relationship before my husband, I made a very conscious decision that the next guy I date will personify stability. That is my husband, so I've always known that while we had a decent sex life, it was definately not like the prior sex life I've had with my exes, but honestly thought I'd be ok with it. I'm not ok with it at all, which is where the feeling of guilt comes in. As sometimes I feel I've no right to demand more of my husband, when I knew, and he even pointed out so to me when I brought it up during the rare moments we talk about the lack of our sex life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm feeling this is NOT cutting out for me, as I'm feeling more angry, resentful toward my husband who seems to be more fricking obsessed with cleaning, chores, and the general upkeep of our home/running the household than our fecking sex life!
When I was reading through the different posts, the few that I really related to was about the acts of 'love", and recongize the value of that, since when it started about a year ago, I noticed enough that keeping up the household was very important to my husband that I started stepping up to his perceived acts of love. I did that, in the hope he would return that for me, but in our bedroom since he knows how important sex is for me. Nope. Zilch. Instead, he would critize that I was not doing enough, and have to be on the ball constantly, can't sleep in past 8am on weekends, especially when we got lots of cleaning to do! That's when I started to revert back to my old self, which being while I care about keeping up a clean household, but not obsessively and daily basis. That's when I really felt attuned to the big rubber band/pull analogy that some of the posters talked about. That is me right now.
Why I'm posting about me? I have a dilemma, but probably know the answer to it though. My husband wants a family now, has been pushing for it the past year, but seriously in the past 3 months though. I've been "putting it off" by claiming it wasn't the right fertile time, or we're in my mother's house (at one of those months) etc etc. You get the idea. I'm doing this, as a way to be spiteful, because I've