Another strange tale

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Another strange tale
15
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 1:44pm

The background...

So I am out on my bike yesterday, about 20 miles into the ride when suddenly out of nowhere, I get this strange feeling in my nether regions and before you know it, I am having an orgasm...spontaneous, dry, but neverthless, no doubt about what it was. Most interesting, but frankly a bit of a cause for concern. I'm thinking it means I am rubbing something I shouldn't during a ride that could cause me problems in the long term. So when I get home, I do some googling to find out whether this is common or not (for the curious, it's not common, but not unheard of either...and it DOES mean I should think about a different saddle).

The point...

So my dear LL W asks me what I am doing. I told her that I had a very strange experience, then indicated the nature of same. To be honest, I hesitated to tell because I feared merciless ribbing on every future outing (heck, that's what I would probably do if the situation were reversed). What happened caught me by complete surprise. She went very quiet and did not speak to me the rest of the evening. The next morning I asked her why she was mad at me. She went into some diatribe as to how I had perverted the innocence of biking somehow. I reminded her that it was an involuntary physical response to some unknown stimulus. She then said something about how she couldn't ask me anymore how my bike rides went.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 2:09pm

WTF indeed!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 6:16am

Don't know what your ML situation is, but this seems like a fairly noxious response to normal (if uncommon) reactions and feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 8:59am

Here's my interpretation of her reaction (which admittedly could be warped by my own lens). The topic of sex is a burden to her, possibly because she feels guilty for not "stepping up" as much as you'd like or because she associates it with unpleasant discussions with you. Now that you've linked biking and sex, the "burden" of sex has spread to biking in her mind.

F.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2006
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 9:04am
I have an alternate hypothesis. I think she feels that the reason this happened to you is because she isn't "taking care" of you enough. Let's face it, she KNOWS she isn't "taking care" of you often enough, so either this happened because you had such a buildup of "stuff" (believe me a lot of LL women are prudes and this is the way they think) that you were unable to control said "stuff" while having physical contact with your bicycle seat. She can just imagine what would happen if you were to have physical contact with a live human! OMG!! Even if you told her the event was "dry" she is still thinking in terms of "stuff" being built up by lack of activity.

Basically she feels both guilty and grossed out. Also, she is cheesed off at you for having so little control of your "stuff" that sitting on a bike seat caused you to..well, lose control of your "stuff."

I know this sounds excessively stupid, but I know quite a few women who feel this way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 9:32am

Basically she feels both guilty and grossed out.

I think that's a reasonable observation - I know DW reacted that way when I'd had wet dreams.

What's not good either way is that it has become about her and her feelings rather than concern for her husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 11:47am

As always, some great insight from this board. I think FLM has nailed it the closest, but there are no doubt some "Miranda rights" in there as well :)

FLM, to further your theiry...W loves biographies and has commented in the past about her distaste with the affairs/relationships of the subject people therein. I think sex acts as a "pollutant".

MOL - you are correct, I believe, about her distaste for sex. That is not to say she does not enjoy intimacy. The difference in this is that I went immediately to the web and started researching...not because I saw it as a future form of gratification (far from it...it's actually very inconvenient feeling tired and relaxed all of a sudden when you have another 25 km to ride home), but because I have a natural academic curiosity, combined with an appreciation of sexuality. Heck, there could be a thesis in this! W, on the other handsimply wants to close the book on this chapter asap.

Miranda - nailed the bit about being guilty/cheesed off bit. We had a good conversation about this and I discussed many of the above concepts with her. In an odd way, these strange incidents are opportunities because they are some of the very few times when sexuality is on the table for discussion.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 1:34pm
Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 3:12pm
Nice to "see" you again. Sorry to read the circumstances. Please remind us of your situation. Kids? Ages? Are you leaving when they leave?

I would be tempted to be far less understanding of her response. I think it was immature, and you should not reassure her it isn't. This is a natural bodily function, and not something to treat as pollution. She may not want to participate in sex, but she doesn't have to treat part of you as toxic. That is like a married man who is too embarrassed to buy tampons for his wife on the way home. It IS immature.

Second, I would not let her off the hook about trying to change. I would say it would be great and you would appreciate it. I might express doubt, but in a playful way. Challenge her. Say you don't think she is up to the task, but you would love to be proven wrong.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 4:07pm

I started taking a broomstick to bed with me. :)

Now that demands a variant on the sceptical witch joke!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 4:08pm

Say you don't think she is up to the task, but you would love to be proven wrong.

Great thoughts, and excellent for smoking out the contrarian.

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