Another strange tale

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Another strange tale
15
Mon, 06-20-2011 - 1:44pm

The background...

So I am out on my bike yesterday, about 20 miles into the ride when suddenly out of nowhere, I get this strange feeling in my nether regions and before you know it, I am having an orgasm...spontaneous, dry, but neverthless, no doubt about what it was. Most interesting, but frankly a bit of a cause for concern. I'm thinking it means I am rubbing something I shouldn't during a ride that could cause me problems in the long term. So when I get home, I do some googling to find out whether this is common or not (for the curious, it's not common, but not unheard of either...and it DOES mean I should think about a different saddle).

The point...

So my dear LL W asks me what I am doing. I told her that I had a very strange experience, then indicated the nature of same. To be honest, I hesitated to tell because I feared merciless ribbing on every future outing (heck, that's what I would probably do if the situation were reversed). What happened caught me by complete surprise. She went very quiet and did not speak to me the rest of the evening. The next morning I asked her why she was mad at me. She went into some diatribe as to how I had perverted the innocence of biking somehow. I reminded her that it was an involuntary physical response to some unknown stimulus. She then said something about how she couldn't ask me anymore how my bike rides went.

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Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 6:24pm
As long as you are aware and comfortable that you are making the choice to allow her to live in her fantasy world, and you merely want us to commiserate with your plight given how uncomfortable she is with anything sexual in nature, well, yes, we feel for you. And many of us know first hand what it is like to live with someone who wishes sex either didn't exist or kept itself to some far corner of life, packed away neatly in a box only to be opened on birthdays and annivesaries. And for some, not even then.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 4:47pm

"That's an awfully noble sentiment but I think a pretty damn good reason to spoil her naivete is to save your marriage."

I agree with your sentiment, but I don't think that is the key to the marriage...not anymore anyway. I SHOULD have done it many years ago but at that time we were focussed on raising the kids and it was easy to back-burner it. Truth be told, I think there is an infinitessimally small chance of success with such a confrontation, so all that would likely remain is the same marriage (whichever way it may go) and I'd probably feel like I shot a passenger pigeon or dodo bird.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 12:09pm

I guess the thing is that she is perhaps the most naive and innocent person I have ever met. She has a world view of rainbows and unicorns. Why spoil that for no reason?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 10:53am

Wait a minute...if you really ARE holdingontoit, WHERE's the analogy??!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 10:46am

I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 4:08pm

Say you don't think she is up to the task, but you would love to be proven wrong.

Great thoughts, and excellent for smoking out the contrarian.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 4:07pm

I started taking a broomstick to bed with me. :)

Now that demands a variant on the sceptical witch joke!

Avatar for holdingontoit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 3:12pm
Nice to "see" you again. Sorry to read the circumstances. Please remind us of your situation. Kids? Ages? Are you leaving when they leave?

I would be tempted to be far less understanding of her response. I think it was immature, and you should not reassure her it isn't. This is a natural bodily function, and not something to treat as pollution. She may not want to participate in sex, but she doesn't have to treat part of you as toxic. That is like a married man who is too embarrassed to buy tampons for his wife on the way home. It IS immature.

Second, I would not let her off the hook about trying to change. I would say it would be great and you would appreciate it. I might express doubt, but in a playful way. Challenge her. Say you don't think she is up to the task, but you would love to be proven wrong.

When you see it coming, duck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2009
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 1:34pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Tue, 06-21-2011 - 11:47am

As always, some great insight from this board. I think FLM has nailed it the closest, but there are no doubt some "Miranda rights" in there as well :)

FLM, to further your theiry...W loves biographies and has commented in the past about her distaste with the affairs/relationships of the subject people therein. I think sex acts as a "pollutant".

MOL - you are correct, I believe, about her distaste for sex. That is not to say she does not enjoy intimacy. The difference in this is that I went immediately to the web and started researching...not because I saw it as a future form of gratification (far from it...it's actually very inconvenient feeling tired and relaxed all of a sudden when you have another 25 km to ride home), but because I have a natural academic curiosity, combined with an appreciation of sexuality. Heck, there could be a thesis in this! W, on the other handsimply wants to close the book on this chapter asap.

Miranda - nailed the bit about being guilty/cheesed off bit. We had a good conversation about this and I discussed many of the above concepts with her. In an odd way, these strange incidents are opportunities because they are some of the very few times when sexuality is on the table for discussion.

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