Banging heads...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Banging heads...
56
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 4:23pm
...this is a very enlightening board...really...I am amazed at some of the things that I have read...the HLs that post here really do seem to want a sexual relationship with their very own spouses...as a matter of fact, I haven't read from very many that they are actively engaging or seeking "it" outside of the marriage...I know that other LLs have to be reading the same posts that I am, yet some still react as though the HLs are posting that they just want to get off...I, for one, can read the pain in a lot of the HLs posts...they don't want to just get off, they was a loving, intimate relationship...they want tenderness and physical closeness...most are very good at writing their posts...how is it being missed that it isn't just about sex?...or, am I reading more into it?...













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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 4:39pm

"they don't want to just get off, they was a loving, intimate relationship...they want tenderness and physical closeness...most are very good at writing their posts...how is it being missed that it isn't just about sex?...or, am I reading more into it?..."


The eternal question that has mystified so many "average" people here who want to be physically intimate with their partners.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2008
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 8:52am

I am really new to this board, but the thing that blows me away is the number of HL females with LL husbands (I am the

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2008
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 10:03am
I think you are reading me correctly. I want nothing more than to share, love and be with my husband. I could not turn outside of my relationship in the hopes of fixing the balance.
He is my be all and end all! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 1:02pm
You got that right for sure. If it was just about the sex act I would have never married. Someone to have sex with is an easy find if you look in the 'right' places. Sex with the one you connect with so completely, though, is a rare and amazing thing. Or so I think.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 9:03pm
...thank you...I was starting to think that I was reading more into the posts than I should as several LLs continue to post about the HLs on here just wanting to get off...













iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2007
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 2:24am

"as a matter of fact, I haven't read from very many that they are actively engaging or seeking "it" outside of the marriage"

This is only an observation that I've started creating over the years between me and the girls I hung out with in high school almost 20 years ago. Valley of the Dolls? maybe...

I have two girlfriends who after 10 and 17 years of marriage have sought relations very recently outside the marriage. I'd have to say if I was in their situation (sexless for over a year) I would probably have done the same (actually no, I would have left 9 months prior to that). I have one other very close friend who's been married for 12 years and hasn't cheated (she sought refuge in the arms of pharmeceuticals instead), but is now preparing to leave. The cheating, carnal or otherwise, seems to speed the process of departure along. I, along with two other HL girlfriends have been divorced over the last 2 years-key cause? lack of sex from one partner resulting in cheating from the other partner. The cheater, surprisingly was the LL partner.

All three girlfriends of some 20 years are done with their LL men. Sadly, I think alot of the men stay with their LL partners for their kids. Women generally have the lion share of custody and after alot of thought and heartache choose to leave sooner than the men.

Incidentally, I have 1 girlfriend who prides herself on being the only one of us girls from high school who is still married. She's the only one who is in a relationship where the two are perfectly happy to have what we call "super bowl sex". They only have sex on special occasions like Christmas or each other's birthday. When that was revealed at our last girl bash we all heard the crickets. Actually I think it was crickets and me crunching on ice cubes while we redid the math in our heads(3? that's only 3. 1..2..3..S*#@ what the &$#* 3?!!) in total silence. Now when we're talking and there's a pause in conversation one of us says "THREE for godsake!!! She only has sex three times a year!".

A 1:7 odd on marriage is pretty deplorable. In a time where people are spending tens of thousands of dollars on weddings, the odds are not even worth walking down the aisle anymore. Give ME the money and I'll go buy a vibrator and a new car. I'm just kidding, but still it's frustrating to know that alot of those happily married people out there are LL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 6:21am
Interesting post, nalugurl.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2007
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 1:29pm

My ex is now in a relationship where his GF is very LL and uses sex as a weapon. I just shrug my shoulders when he complains about all the sex he used to have...with me. I'm pretty sure he's getting his karma right back without me having to do or say anything in response to him.

"if one spouse judged the other on physical appearance and pressured them to keep it up, no one would blink when they pushed back and, ultmately, left for someone who saw more than just their appearance"

Really? No one would blink? I believe that physical attractiveness *is* part of a relationship. If my BF made a comment that I was slacking in that area I'd be hard pressed to change that immediately. Now I'm not talking about gaining a few pounds after a baby or a horrible disfiguring accident that you have no control over. Let's be realistic. Age and gravity are not our friends. I'm talking about just letting yourself goooooooo. I find it strange that it's perfectly okay for some people to think that a person should continue to be excited to be with you when you're not excited about yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2007
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 3:04pm

<<

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 4:07pm

<< Really? No one would blink? I believe that physical attractiveness *is* part of a relationship. If my BF made a comment that I was slacking in that area I'd be hard pressed to change that immediately. Now I'm not talking about gaining a few pounds after a baby or a horrible disfiguring accident that you have no control over. Let's be realistic. Age and gravity are not our friends. I'm talking about just letting yourself goooooooo. I find it strange that it's perfectly okay for some people to think that a person should continue to be excited to be with you when you're not excited about yourself. >>


Wow... you're starting to sound like the female version of me!


If so, I guess we sound like a couple of

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