been thinking
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been thinking
| Wed, 07-06-2011 - 1:23am |
I think it's understandable that I have had the reservations I do. Even the law allows a marriage that hasn't been consummated to be annulled. As if it never happened. But on the other hand, gay marriages and polygamous marriages aren't even legal, but that doesn't mean they can't work or aren't real somehow. I've been worrying too much about what is "normal" and in the grsnd scheme it doesn't matter if our relationship is normal.
I know that in my gut this is where I want to be. I know that I'm happier than I've ever been, and my whole thought process hasn't even been whether or not I should leave but whether or not this can last. I think it can, and I want it to.
I know that in my gut this is where I want to be. I know that I'm happier than I've ever been, and my whole thought process hasn't even been whether or not I should leave but whether or not this can last. I think it can, and I want it to.
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...I am confused?...you want us to tell you that a relationship in which you aren't having intercourse and about which you've described your sex life as a "big" missing piece of information that your friends don't have can work?...I guess it depends on your definitiion of "work"...if you can live the rest of your life with a man that can't have conventional sex with you; if you can live this life feeling fulfilled and sexually satisfied, then yes...it will probably work as long as other relationship issues like stress, and money problems and kid stresses and sick parents and all of those other things that make life a tad difficult don't test your bond...I am not sure why you are so against saying "yes, the lack of intercourse bothers me" as that is what your posts scream...but, if there is even a little fissure at the beginning stages of a relationship, it will become a canyon...
In the same way, my friends and family might think I look perfectly healthy if they can't see the bandaged up cut uner my clothing. If I look healthy then that probably means it's not affecting me systemically to the point where I can't hide it any longer, so yeah, that's something. But it's still there, and is still information they don't have, so their thoughts and observations about the state of my health can only help so much.
So, how I feel right now is that it's healing. It's not nearly as big and painful as it used to be, even though it still hurts sometimes. More importantly, I fully realize that he is not the one who cut me. He's hurt too. If it were getting worse then I wouldn't have much hope.
I hope this doesn't sound callous, but when reading your posts I keep thinking there may not be a "long term" because of his uncontrolled and complicated diabetes. I'm not saying a serious illness is a reason to leave, but IMO it's not a reason to stay, either.
Freelance
...that's exactly right...along with what I feel is a thought process of "how can I leave such a nice guy when he's sick and his issues are not his fault" is the added "and my daughter loves him"...and, the "he's the most stable, giving, loving man I've been with"...those may be great reasons to stay in a relationship but only if the thought process of "my needs are being me" is added in...(not just sexual needs)
I do feel that currently my needs are being met. I also know that I'm a very anxious person. The last guy I dated before my BF dumped me out of the blue after five months. It was totally unexpected and I was extremely hurt by it. When BF and I got to aroind the four month mark I started freaking out. I was just constantly sure that he was having second thoughts about being with me, despite there being no evidence of that. Once I realized what was going on with myself it got easier. I was able to talk myself down.
Maybe that's what this is about. If there is nothing to worry about I will find something. This would continue no matter who I was with unless I work on changing it.
I think that this is a very astute observation. You seem to be the type who looks for things to be "wrong." (Apologies for assumptions made, I'm just giving my non-professional armchair psychology observations of your eclectinc postings on this message board...not much to go on.) You need to learn to relax and get inside the moment more, and not let what "could" happen consume you so much, imo. Of course I frequently need to do the same, so it's easy for me to give this kind of flip advice...
So I was reading a book on kindle aimed at couples facing ED and intimacy issues after prostate cancer. They had a pretty comprehensive listing of various treatment options and all the benefits and drawbacks to them, and there was one I had never heard of. It's kind of a semi-rigid support sleeve that's open where the glans is. It's supposed to work even if completely flaccid.
I sent him a link to the manufacturor's site and told him about it. He just said, "ok" and nothing else, which frustrated me. I told him it was really difficult for me to bring this stuff up because I always felt like I was wounding him or making him feel inadequate, since I often have no feedback to go on. And the last thing I want to do is hurt him. He said I shouldn't feel that way, it's just an uncomfortable topic and he worries sometimes that I'm not happy. I asked why he thought I might not be happy, and he said, "I just don't see why you *would* be."
We talked a lot more about it. He asked what other stuff was in the book and what the title was. I told him if anything it reassured me that most of the issues that seem to go along with impotence in relationships, we just don't seem to have. I do wish he wasn't so hard on himself. I wish he could see in himself what I see. I hate that he feels like he doesn't deserve me. I hate that I can't "fix" it.
Anyway he ordered one of the support sleeves, and while it seems pretty promising I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I know it's going to be ok even if it doesn't work, but it's so hard to get your hopes up and nothing happens. It's hard for both of us.
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